Monday, October 5, 2009

Racoon Horror

Lakeland, Florida-- A Lakeland woman is recovering from serious injuries in the hospital after sheriff's investigators say she was "gang attacked" by five raccoons Saturday afternoon.
Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd says 74-year-old Gretchen Whitted was trying to shoo the animals away from her front door when they suddenly attacked.
"When she fell down, they enveloped her," said Sheriff Judd in a news conference called Sunday to warn the public of the aggressive raccoons.
"She's literally bitten and scratched from face and the chest all the way down through the legs."
Raccoons are known to be aggressive when going after food, but the sheriff called Saturday's attack very unusual.
"Not in all my years in Florida have I known of a gang attack by raccoons on an individual," Sheriff Judd said.
Christy Steinmetz lives next door to Whitted and ran across the street when she heard her neighbor's screams.
"I've never seen anything like it," Steinmetz said of the attack and her neighbors deep wounds. "They were deep lacerations. You could see flesh."
Sheriff Judd called a news conference Sunday to warn parents in the Lakeland neighborhood about the potential danger.
"They've attacked once. If someone frightens them, will they attack again?" Judd asked.
Polk County Animal Control officers fanned out, placing traps across the neighborhood, in hopes of finding the raccoons involved.
"Even if we capture a lot of raccoons [Sunday night], we can't be sure they are our suspect raccoons," Sheriff Judd said.
If caught, the animals will be killed to see whether they are rabid.

 And of course ... Rabies Theory.

Apparently, a gang of Racoons 'gang attacked' an old lady in Florida.  Lets be at least somewhat honest and grateful it wasn't a racoon gang bang, althought that is completely possible as well.

Here is some fair and simple advice for all you folks when faced with the threat of Racoon mauling; A - Don't bother the racoons, and B - Don't fall Down. 

The reality of this is, the woman did something to provoke the racoons in their eyes, and the racoonns fought back.  In all their years they haven't seen something like this?  Thats because all of their years have never led up to the Animal Uprising 2012.

What I love best about this is that they make a point in the story to state that even if they do catch racoons, they won't be sure if they were the racoons involved.  I was hoping they would take it at least a step further, and promise to play good cop/bad cop on the racoons.  I figure with a little coaxing, the racoons will break, and rat their buddies out.  I see it on 'Law and Order' all the time ... Maybe this town should hire Vincent D'Onofrio to come in and morally degrade the racoons until they confess ...

Or better yet, lets catch Racoons and massacre them (as suggested above), because that won't piss off the rest of the Racoon community or anything.

Idiots ...

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