Possibly the Awesomest Story of the Month ...

A routine traffic stop was anything but ordinary for a Texas state trooper Sunday, when he discovered a wild passenger in the back of a suspect’s car.

Texas Highway Patrol officer Steven Stanfield stopped William Johnson, 30, along State Highway 35 after Johnson made a U-turn and almost hit another vehicle, MyFOXHouston reported. It was then that Stanfield noticed an alligator in the back seat of Johnson’s blue Buick, with no restraints on it.

Johnson passed a sobriety test, although Stanfield said he smelled alcohol on his breath, and claimed he was lost. Stanfield called a Brazoria County sergeant and a Texas game warden to the scene, where they learned Johnson had followed the alligator into a ditch and wrestled it into the back of his car.

Johnson also is accused of attempting to steal his boss’ large-screen television on the same night. The plot allegedly was foiled when his accomplice saw the alligator in Johnson’s car and dropped the TV, damaging it, MyFOXHouston reported.

Johnson is in the custody of Brazoria, Texas, police while the alligator is in the custody of the Texas game warden.

The sequence of events for this Animal Uprising Incident is fascinating. Apparently, this is another example of animals developing their mind control prowess.

-Guy Stops to pick up the alligator

-Guy puts the gator in the back seat

-Guy goes to steal a big screen TV

-Guy gets caught ...

CONCLUSION ... The Gator needed a new TV, but due to his lack of ability to walk upright, he employed a vagrant to obtain the TV for him ...

Gators Say 'Buy American!'

NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla., April 29 (UPI) -- A woman browsing cars at a Florida dealership discovered an 8-foot-7-inch alligator next to a vehicle she was planning to test drive, witnesses said.

Michael Chaparro, 24, a salesman at Sun Toyota in New Port Richey, said he called 911 after customer Denise Anderson, 33, spotted the mammoth reptile Tuesday morning near a Toyota Sequoia, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Wednesday.

Chaparro said Pasco County sheriff's deputies cordoned off the area while a professional trapper prodded the animal out from under a car and caught it with a lasso.

The salesman said he asked the trapper if he was planning to release the gator back into the wild.

"And he said, 'Yeah, I'll release it -- into my cooler,'" Chaparro said. "He said he was taking it back to Dade City to eat it."

Mark Lewis, a duty officer with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, said captured alligators are "generally disposed" if they measure longer than 4 feet.

Thats right ... stupid Japanese Automakers ... Clearly a bid by gators to force Americans to buy American amidst the wave of negative financial news coming out of US Automakers ...

In other news, we'll look for Chaparro to be devoured by multiple alligators at a later date ...

AU2012 Weekly Dog Attacks ...

Once again, the world is going nuts ...

-SAN JOSE, CA - Two Pits killed a poodle, and a Mastiff/Rott mix bit a man in Northern, CA ... Police are now searching for them ...


-EAST NORTHPORT, NY - A Boxer and a Rott tore up a guy's face, and went after a ShihTzu ...


-NORWICH, Conn - A Mail Carrier was mauled by two pits ... The owner pleads for clemency, stating; "They're puppies." ...


-WINNIPEG, Canada - Two Bulldogs went after some Canadians; the human couple was injured in the ensuing conflict of man vs beast ...


-COLUMBIA, MO - A couple of dogs decided they did not like Wal Mart, or Kohls, and started attacking shoppers in the parking lot of both stores ... the owner said the dogs were just trying to play ...



Hey, at least there's some variety in the types of dogs involved in Animal Uprising this week; normally its just pits.

In unrelated news, our Beagle puppy tried to go after a baby blue jay that was in our yard ... she was very disappointed when I prevented her from finishing the afternoon snack.

Come to think of it, perhaps the Blue Jays were planning to strike us, and the dogs were protecting ... damn it all, why can't dogs speak english ...

Milk, Eggs, Bread ... Bull ...

A supermarket in Ireland had an unwanted shopper this weekend. A bull escaped from its pen at a nearby cattle market and ran down the street before bursting into the store.

Tapes from the store’s security cameras show the bull charging customers and ramming shopping carts. No one was hurt. The store owner even joked that his supermarket prides itself in carrying fresh beef, but probably not that fresh.


Watch the video folks ... the bull had it in for the guy that it was chasing ... this is like something out of a freakin cartoon ... except ... Cartoon's don't rise up as an entire Animal Species and overthrow the human race in Animal Uprising 2012!

Bears n Trucks ...

COLORADO SPRINGS — A pregnant woman was running from a bear when she darted into the road and was struck by a car, said the Colorado Springs Police Department.

Ashley Swendsen, 26, was struck this afternoon, near the intersection of Woodmen Drive and Vincent Drive on the city's northwest side. The motorist drove off.

Swendsen was taken to Memorial Hospital and is in stable condition.

Officer Robert Patterson of the Falcon Division said he doesn't know how the chase began but that bears frequently use drainage ditches in the area as a crossing.

Police and the Department of Wildlife located the bear and tranquilized it. If Swendsen identifies it as the one that chased her, it will be destroyed.

Police also are searching for the driver who hit the woman and did not stop.

Well Crap ...

The Bear got the bad end of the deal on this one, as it was later euthanized. What we at Animal Uprising 2012 want to know is, why hasn't the driver been questioned on this yet? Obviously, he was working with the bear against this lady, but exactly who was in charge is a huge mystery that needs to be solved ...

Bird Strikes ...

WASHINGTON — Airplane collisions with birds have more than doubled at 13 major U.S. airports since 2000, and New York's Kennedy airport and Sacramento International report the most incidents with serious damage, according to Federal Aviation Administration data released for the first time Friday.

The FAA list of wildlife strikes, published on the Internet, details more than 89,000 incidents since 1990, including 28 cases since 2000 when a collision with a bird or other animal such as a deer on a runway was so severe that the aircraft was considered destroyed.

But even the FAA estimates that its voluntary reporting system captures only about 20 percent of all wildlife strikes and some airports and airlines do a better job of reporting than others.

Meantime, wildlife experts say the problem is growing as more and more birds, particularly large ones like Canada geese, have found the food to live near cities and airports year round rather than migrating.

Eleven people have died in airplane collisions with birds or deer since 1990, the data also show.

The data revealed one positive trend: strikes that caused major damage dropped noticeably in 2007 and 2008. In 2000, pilots reported 178 such strikes; in 2007 there were 125; and in the first 11 months of 2008, only 85. December 2008 numbers were not yet listed. There was no immediate explanation for the decrease from the FAA, although the agency tightened engine design standards in 2004 to better withstand bird strikes.

Topping the list of airports where planes were either substantially damaged or destroyed by birds since 2000 were John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York with at least 30 such accidents and Sacramento International Airport in California with at least 28 accidents. Kennedy, the nation's sixth-busiest airport, is located amid wetlands that attract birds, and Sacramento International, the nation's 40th-busiest, abuts farms whose crops draw birds and sits along the Pacific Flyway used by migratory birds.

The first disclosure of the entire FAA bird strike database, including the first-ever release of the locations of strikes, occurred largely due to pressure after the dramatic ditching of a US Airways jet in the Hudson River when bird strikes knocked out both of its engines on Jan. 15. Days later, The Associated Press requested release of the database under the Freedom of Information Act.

Talk about Animal Uprising ... the numbers are growing, and Birds are seemingly as effective as any weapon that man can develop. Sure to be a major factor in the uprising, the birds that are used in these Kamikaze attacks will no doubt go down in as Heroes of the Animal Uprising 2012 ... the the animals ... otherwise they're just a pain in our asses ...

Knock Knock ... Who's There ... Alligator ... Alligator Who? ... No Seriously, Alligator ...

Before she even thought to leave her Westwood Lakes home Thursday morning, Belinda Donaldson got a call from a neighbor telling her that would be a bad idea.

When she looked through the window, she saw what he was talking about: an 11-foot alligator parked on her doorstep.

"We have a lot of lakes in the neighborhood so I'd seen some smaller gators before," Donaldson said. "But nothing as big as that."

Neighbors in the northwest Hillsborough County subdivision called the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission about 10 a.m. and a trapper came about an hour later, she said.

"It took the trapper a good hour to get the ropes around him because of the size. And then he started that death roll and the trapper had to drag him to a tree for leverage," Donaldson said.

After some uncertainty, the trapper, with the help of Hillsborough County sheriff's deputies, loaded the big guy into a truck and carted him away.

"One of my neighbors joked with me, 'I know you're a Gators fan, but I think you've taken it too far,' " said Donaldson, a University of Florida alum.


Oh Ha Ha Neighbor ... you're next on the hitlist.

Obviously, Belinda did something to provoke this, otherwise why on earth would the Alligator seek out her home, and wait for her to come out ... Could it be because of the Animal Uprising 2012? Yes, of course ... its the most reasonable explanation for why on earth an Alligator would camp out on your front porch ...

Unbe-Freakin-Lievable ...

Deadly Mexican Pig Virus of Doom ...

MEXICO CITY, April 24 (Reuters) - A deadly strain of swine flu never seen before has broken out in Mexico, killing at least 16 people and raising fears it is spreading across North America. Mexico canceled classes for millions of children in its sprawling capital city and surrounding areas on Friday after authorities noticed a higher number of deaths involving flu-like illness than normal in recent weeks.

"It is a virus that mutated from pigs and then at some point was transmitted to humans," Health Minister Jose Angel Cordova told the Televisa network.

He linked the disease in Mexico to a new kind of swine flu that struck seven people in California and Texas. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said the virus in the United States was a never-before-seen mixture of viruses typical among pigs, birds and humans. All seven American patients have recovered.

The Mexican government warned people not to shake hands or kiss when greeting or share food, glasses or cutlery for fear of contracting the flu. Mexico City, one of the world's biggest cities and home to some 20 million people, was quieter than usual on Friday morning. Normally choking traffic was less chaotic in the absence of school buses and parents driving kids to school. Many people waiting to enter subway stations had their faces covered with surgical masks.

The virus is an influenza A virus, carrying the designation H1N1. It contains DNA typical to avian, swine and human viruses, including elements from European and Asian swine viruses, the CDC has said. WHO said about 60 people in Mexico have died from the disease.

The Geneva-based U.N. agency said it was in daily contact with U.S., Canadian and Mexican authorities and had activated its Strategic Health Operations Center (SHOC) -- its command and control center for acute public health events. Surveillance for and scrutiny of influenza has been stepped up since 2003, when H5N1 bird flu reappeared in Asia. The World Health Organization said it was concerned about what it called 800 "influenza-like" cases in Mexico, and also about a confirmed outbreak of a new strain of swine flu in the United States. Experts fear this strain, or another strain, could spark a pandemic that could kill millions.


Somehow, Somewhere, a Pig has found a way to kill millions of Humans. Furthermore, they've figured out how to transmit this virus to humans in a form that spreads rapidly and easily. And to add to that, the pigs are extremely calculated in choosing where to attack.

Lets be honest ... what better place or way to spread a virus than by releasing it in Mexico. I mean wow, who the heck knew pigs would be this freakin smart. This is genius, really; develop a bio-weapon, release it in Mexico, then sit back and watch the fireworks.

Doubt the Animal Uprising 2012 at your own peril folks ... now if you'll excuse me while I don my bio-protection suit.

Cubs Cat ...

As if the Cubs don't already have bad enough luck ...

Add another yarn to Wrigley Field lore. Let it be known henceforth as the “cat-tail-grabbing incident” at the Friendly Confines.

Animal lovers are head-over-tails about a security guard’s treatment of an errant feline during Tuesday night’s Cubs-Reds game. Speculation is flying about the cat’s origin and ability to gain a front-row seat at Wrigley Field.

Cubs spokesman Peter Chase has an idea of how the cat made its way onto the field.

“The leading theory is that it came into the stadium through right field — the Sheffield entrance — then made its way up to the bleachers and on the field,” he said.

After scurrying across the outfield in the fourth inning, the white, orange and black calico mix was finally captured by a Wrigley Field security guard who was stationed at the left-field bullpen. The security guard picked the cat up by the tail and handed it over to a towel-wielding security worker in the stands, inciting boos from the crowd.

The kitty left, but not before leaving considerable carnage in its wake. Multiple employees were bitten by the cat and needed treatment at Wrigley.

“We’re assuming they’re fine,” said Chase. “Once we get results back about how that cat is, that’ll give us a little bit more information.”

The cat was promptly transported to "a local veterinarian" where it will be examined to make sure it's disease-free, said Chase. The veterinarian asked the Cubs organization to maintain its privacy.

Grabbing a cat by its tail is "definitely not the best way to pick it up,” said Dr. Eileen Murphy of West Wrigley Animal Hospital (which she assures the Sun-Times is certainly not where the cat was taken). “You could dislocate a tail.”

Chase said the team does not currently have a protocol for dealing with streaking felines. But despite fans’ protests, Chase defends the guard’s actions.

“This one was certainly something you don’t come across every day,” said Chase. “The security guard did his best in a unique and trying situation.”

That hasn’t stopped fans from calling the organization today to inquire about the possibility of adoption and to chide the security guard for what many deem to be animal cruelty.

Are you freaking kidding me? Look, some of us here at AU2012 are die-hard Cub's Fans ... but we're also die-hard believers in the Animal Uprising.

In our expert opinion, there are only two explanations for this:

-This Cat hates the Cubs, and wanted to end them ...

-This Cat is a less than successful ninja hired by the Chicago White Sox to bring pain and suffering upon the Cubs, their fans, and the organization ...

Either way, another disturbing incident in the Animal Uprising that foretells our impending doom. And the worst thing is, the cat has the backing of the public!

Land Shark

WTF ...

CANBERRA (Reuters) - A live shark dumped on the doorstep of an Australian country newspaper office had local police puzzled Thursday, with authorities vowing to charge the person who left it with animal cruelty.

The juvenile Port Jackson shark, which measured around 70 centimeters in length, was left in darkness outside the office at Warrnambool, on the coast of southeast Victoria state. "We arrived and poured some water on it just to see if it was still breathing and it kicked around for a little while," Constable Jarrod Dwyer told state radio.

"I walked over to McDonalds and borrowed a bucket off them and filled it up with water, and we picked the shark up and put it inside it and then drove it down to the breakwater and released it back into the water," he said.

Port Jackson sharks can grow up to 1.6 meters long (5.5 ft) and typically feed on crustaceans, sea urchins, and fish. They are nocturnal and common across Australia's southeast coast. Dwyer said the newspaper was unaware why anyone would leave a shark to die outside.

"They had no ideas of any person that wished them any harm or wished to send them any type of message, so we're a little dumbfounded," he said.

Idiots ... why assume that it was a human that left the shark in the first place? What you need to be asking yourself is, what have you done to piss off the animal kingdom, and or have you insulted this shark's family in any way?

This is a bit worrisome because it also shows a clear intent for sharks to want to learn how to walk, and live on land. Hell, if a shark can make it a few blocks out of water, then no one living on the coast is safe, in or out of the water ...

LandSharks are coming, and they will end all of you ...