Monday, April 27, 2009
Milk, Eggs, Bread ... Bull ...
A supermarket in Ireland had an unwanted shopper this weekend. A bull escaped from its pen at a nearby cattle market and ran down the street before bursting into the store.
Tapes from the store’s security cameras show the bull charging customers and ramming shopping carts. No one was hurt. The store owner even joked that his supermarket prides itself in carrying fresh beef, but probably not that fresh.
Watch the video folks ... the bull had it in for the guy that it was chasing ... this is like something out of a freakin cartoon ... except ... Cartoon's don't rise up as an entire Animal Species and overthrow the human race in Animal Uprising 2012!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Bears n Trucks ...
COLORADO SPRINGS — A pregnant woman was running from a bear when she darted into the road and was struck by a car, said the Colorado Springs Police Department.
Ashley Swendsen, 26, was struck this afternoon, near the intersection of Woodmen Drive and Vincent Drive on the city's northwest side. The motorist drove off.
Swendsen was taken to Memorial Hospital and is in stable condition.
Officer Robert Patterson of the Falcon Division said he doesn't know how the chase began but that bears frequently use drainage ditches in the area as a crossing.
Police and the Department of Wildlife located the bear and tranquilized it. If Swendsen identifies it as the one that chased her, it will be destroyed.
Police also are searching for the driver who hit the woman and did not stop.
Well Crap ...
The Bear got the bad end of the deal on this one, as it was later euthanized. What we at Animal Uprising 2012 want to know is, why hasn't the driver been questioned on this yet? Obviously, he was working with the bear against this lady, but exactly who was in charge is a huge mystery that needs to be solved ...
Friday, April 24, 2009
Bird Strikes ...
Eleven people have died in airplane collisions with birds or deer since 1990, the data also show.
Talk about Animal Uprising ... the numbers are growing, and Birds are seemingly as effective as any weapon that man can develop. Sure to be a major factor in the uprising, the birds that are used in these Kamikaze attacks will no doubt go down in as Heroes of the Animal Uprising 2012 ... the the animals ... otherwise they're just a pain in our asses ...
Knock Knock ... Who's There ... Alligator ... Alligator Who? ... No Seriously, Alligator ...
Oh Ha Ha Neighbor ... you're next on the hitlist.
Obviously, Belinda did something to provoke this, otherwise why on earth would the Alligator seek out her home, and wait for her to come out ... Could it be because of the Animal Uprising 2012? Yes, of course ... its the most reasonable explanation for why on earth an Alligator would camp out on your front porch ...
Unbe-Freakin-Lievable ...
Deadly Mexican Pig Virus of Doom ...
"It is a virus that mutated from pigs and then at some point was transmitted to humans," Health Minister Jose Angel Cordova told the Televisa network.
He linked the disease in Mexico to a new kind of swine flu that struck seven people in California and Texas. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said the virus in the United States was a never-before-seen mixture of viruses typical among pigs, birds and humans. All seven American patients have recovered.
The Mexican government warned people not to shake hands or kiss when greeting or share food, glasses or cutlery for fear of contracting the flu. Mexico City, one of the world's biggest cities and home to some 20 million people, was quieter than usual on Friday morning. Normally choking traffic was less chaotic in the absence of school buses and parents driving kids to school. Many people waiting to enter subway stations had their faces covered with surgical masks.
The virus is an influenza A virus, carrying the designation H1N1. It contains DNA typical to avian, swine and human viruses, including elements from European and Asian swine viruses, the CDC has said. WHO said about 60 people in Mexico have died from the disease.
The Geneva-based U.N. agency said it was in daily contact with U.S., Canadian and Mexican authorities and had activated its Strategic Health Operations Center (SHOC) -- its command and control center for acute public health events. Surveillance for and scrutiny of influenza has been stepped up since 2003, when H5N1 bird flu reappeared in Asia. The World Health Organization said it was concerned about what it called 800 "influenza-like" cases in Mexico, and also about a confirmed outbreak of a new strain of swine flu in the United States. Experts fear this strain, or another strain, could spark a pandemic that could kill millions.
Somehow, Somewhere, a Pig has found a way to kill millions of Humans. Furthermore, they've figured out how to transmit this virus to humans in a form that spreads rapidly and easily. And to add to that, the pigs are extremely calculated in choosing where to attack.
Lets be honest ... what better place or way to spread a virus than by releasing it in Mexico. I mean wow, who the heck knew pigs would be this freakin smart. This is genius, really; develop a bio-weapon, release it in Mexico, then sit back and watch the fireworks.
Doubt the Animal Uprising 2012 at your own peril folks ... now if you'll excuse me while I don my bio-protection suit.
Cubs Cat ...
Cubs spokesman Peter Chase has an idea of how the cat made its way onto the field.
Are you freaking kidding me? Look, some of us here at AU2012 are die-hard Cub's Fans ... but we're also die-hard believers in the Animal Uprising.
In our expert opinion, there are only two explanations for this:
-This Cat hates the Cubs, and wanted to end them ...
-This Cat is a less than successful ninja hired by the Chicago White Sox to bring pain and suffering upon the Cubs, their fans, and the organization ...
Either way, another disturbing incident in the Animal Uprising that foretells our impending doom. And the worst thing is, the cat has the backing of the public!
Land Shark
Idiots ... why assume that it was a human that left the shark in the first place? What you need to be asking yourself is, what have you done to piss off the animal kingdom, and or have you insulted this shark's family in any way?
This is a bit worrisome because it also shows a clear intent for sharks to want to learn how to walk, and live on land. Hell, if a shark can make it a few blocks out of water, then no one living on the coast is safe, in or out of the water ...
LandSharks are coming, and they will end all of you ...
ANOTHER Fox ...
The bite happened in a neighborhood not far from the Citrus Park mall.
She said the fox then kept getting up and falling down again.
But Hall wants to spread her concern that the bite happened in a populated area.
Hall begins a series of rabies shots on Monday.Animal Uprising 2012 Y'all ... the reason you haven't seen foxes mauling people's faces until now is because of the AU2012. Two in one week? Thats not a coincidence folks ...
Church Cat
Scatt had a 7-inch cut, according to police. Animal rescue workers said he also had broken ribs.
The organization is accepting donations here.
Clark is being held on $50,000 bail. His arraignment is scheduled for May 6.
Its blatantly obvious that this cat, for nearly a decade, had ruled over its human minions in the Church Rehab and Recovery program. That said, one of the cat's minions decided, for whatever reason, to revolt against the cat. Claiming Self Defense (!?!?!), the guy choked and stabbed the cat.
Now, everyone else in the program was willing to go after this guy to 'take care of the guy themselves' - I can only imagine what that means amongst drug addicts and street thugs - but instead, the guy was arrested, and felony charges were brought against him, and he's being held on $50,000.00 bail!
Apparently, the cat is going to be fine, and will return to the Rehab center later on this week.
AU2012 asks, Self Defense, or Assassination attempt of a Cat who clearly has dominion over humans in the program.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Atlanta Hawk
ATLANTA (AP)—The Hawks’ real-life mascot got a little flying time during the playoffs.
“Spirit,” an actual hawk that flies down from the rafters during the pre-game introductions, decided to hang around for the start of Game 2 against the Miami Heat on Wednesday night.
Obviously sick and tired of this sorry excuse for an NBA team taking his name in vain, the Hawk revolted, and tried to stop the game from carrying on.
Of course, one of the best things about this story is the players refusing to go onto the court. Either they know they suck, or they're gigantic pu**ies ... A million bucks in your pocket can't hide the fact that you still cry to mama, can it Mr. NBA player ...
AU2012 Dog Reports
As all of humanity continues to suffer through the wave of dog attacks and uprising planetwide, AU2012.blogspot.com continues to cover them for you ... look no further for your weekly dose of Dog Uprising information ...
-CHICAGO, Ill - A Man fatally beat his Pit Bull to death after it bit a woman ...
-BETHESDA, Maryland - A 5 year old girl is hospitalized after being mauled by a neighborhood rottweiler ...
-WINTERHAVEN, AZ - A man died of his injuries due to maulings from a pack of dogs ...
-MOOSIC, PA - Two Girls are hospitalized after an encounter with a Bull Mastiff ...
-PERTH, UK - A Couple walking their dog paid no attention when the dog mauled a woman's leg, and then left with its owner (F'd up!) ...
-AUSTRALIA - Girl, 8, bitten by Rottweiler's at Rottweiler breeding farm, while helping feed the Rottweilers ... (duh) ...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Humans Fight Back ... and the Monkeys are P*ssed!
SAO PAULO — The monkey business is about to end for some Brazilian primates.
Every day, I look at my puppy and feel bad that I arranged to have his balls cut off ... and despite the fact that I had his manhoods removed, I don't think he'll ever put 2 and 2 together and figure out it was me. In addition, we're pretty confident when the AU2012 comes, he'll be on our side.
That said ... Sao Paulo is gonna be f*cked for this one ...
Validation of the Rabies Theory ...
Same Town as the Foxy Attack ... Now the 4th attack in as many weeks ...
NORTH TONAWANDA, N.Y. (AP) - Authorities still don't know what prompted a coyote to attack a man in Niagara County this week, but it wasn't rabies.
So, the Coyote, which Wasn't Rabid, also tried to kill a law enforcement official ... well, there you go then ...
Yeahhup ... gonna be stayin away from New York for awhile ...
Looks like Northern New York is about screwed ...
Foxy ...
A North Tonawanda man was attacked by a fox on Monday night, according to Niagara County health officials.
The man was walking home from the store on Niagara Falls Boulevard near Erie Avenue when the fox approached him and bit him in the leg.
It's the third attack by a wild animal in the city during the past few weeks.
In all three attacks, the victims are undergoing rabies vaccinations.
Once again, animals are on the rampage (Fox attacking a human ... please), and once again, the 'Rabies' conspiracy rears its head to make everyone feel better about why animals are attacking.
"Mommy, why did the fox bite off daddy's pancreas?"
"Because little Johnny, the fox has Rabies dear."
"Mommy, whats Rabies?"
"Well Pumpkin, its a disease that the media tells us is in all animal attacks on humans so that we don't revolt in fear of the impending Animal Uprising 2012."
"Oh ... "
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Baby Pythons
When the snakes were not found, the airplane was fumigated and it returned to service on Wednesday.
Either this is their attempt to stow away and transfer to another continent, or they're simply going to end up choking someone in first class when they get hungry. Not all too certain how the food supply outside of 'human' looks like on airplanes ... last I checked, mice, rats, or other small rodents are not all too common ... but humans ... plenty of that business.
Anyone traveling to/from Australia, good luck, and have fun!
Pregnant Leopardess
A team of forest staff, led by the official hunter Mr Lakhpat Singh Rawat, killed a seven-year-old leopardess who was later found to be pregnant with two babies. According to the forest officials, the dead leopardess had turned man-eater and had attacked as many as six children in Gairsain and Choukhutiya areas of the state. The leopardess was shot dead by Mr Lakhpat Singh Rawat on Sunday night in the village of Maikholi in Chamoli. The big cat was allegedly about to attack a little boy outside his residence.
The forest department was rejoicing over this killing, until they received a major shock when the postmortem report revealed that the dead leopardess had been carrying two babies in her womb. The team members claimed they had no idea that the animal was pregnant. Expressing remorse over the episode, wildlife experts point out that had the department opted to trap the leopardess instead of shooing her, the lives of two baby leopards could have been saved. Charging the forest officials of having killed the big cat in undue haste, Mr Rajendra Aggarwal of the Wildlife Preservation Society of India (WPSI) claimed that had the officials properly studied the behaviour of the animal, they - as well as the hunter - could have easily ascertained that she was pregnant.
The hunter Mr Rawat, who has killed more than twenty man-eaters, replied that it would have been difficult to judge whether the big cat was pregnant. He said that he could not have taken chances, as the life of an innocent boy was at stake. Justifying this kill to the chief wildlife warden of the state, Mr Srikant Chandola said that the department was under tremendous pressure from the people of the area as the animal had taken away six innocent lives in quick succession. But Pooja, the state head of People for Animals, feels that three animal lives could have been saved had the officials thought on humanitarian grounds and opted to trap the animal instead of going in for the kill.
Really Pooja? You're upset that a ManEating Cat, who had attacked 6 children, and was about to make lunch out of another got killed? Really? You know what we call somebody who attacks 6 kids Pooja? ... Dead ...
You know what happens when the Animal Uprising 2012 comes? India gets upset that we didn't make peace with the animals, and then Pooja gets his neck bitten in half, while everyone else runs for their lives ... Good Luck India.
Pit Bull Update
We've decided to start the Pit Bull update, since we cannot go 24 hours with at least one face, ear, toe, or spleen being bitten off by a pit bull ...
April 15 Reports -
Kearns, Utah - Girl Hospitalized, PitBull Euthanized After Attack
Cape Coral, Florida - Pit Bull Attacks Woman
Utica, New York - 7 Year Old Bitten by a Pit Bull
Paradise Mountain, California - Residents are all Freaked Out because of all the PitBull Attacks
Yeah, We just can't make this stuff up ...
Nevermore ...
I love how they skim over the poking the eyes out of baby's faces line in the middle of this article. Yeah, that 'Very Very Intelligent Bird' just made off with your first born ... no big deal ... oh, BTW, they've gone ahead and taken over your farm too ... Kill Em?!? ... Nahhh ... they're endangered ... or maybe I'm just too lazy to get a permit ... Yeah, I can get a permit, to kill a crow, I mean Raven, I mean baby killer ... Animal Uprising 2012 ? ... What's That? ...
**Raven Plucks his Eyes Out**
"Owww ... my eyes !!!"
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Bees Strike the US Government
Hot on the heels of the fall of US Territory Guam comes this disturbing plot (seemingly curbed) to attack the Executive branch of the US Government ...
Wow ... Bees, plotting to kill the President ... and of course, only removing the queen bee staves off the attack ... or so we hope ... unless you are Rush Limbaugh, or Joe Biden ...
First Human Stronghold Falls to the Animal Uprising 2012
After 4000 years of dominance, the Humans have been assimilated into the society of snakes on the US Territorial island of Guam. This is a surprising, extremely early victory for the Animal Uprising 2012, and proof that the animals have been planning their rise, and the extinction of the human race for decades.
Teamed with the spike in dog revolts over the last few weeks, this is an extremely unnerving fact of the AU2012.
Thats right folks ... Snakes are about to start biting yo asses ... stay tune for more info ...
Poodles and Lemonade
According to From the Heart Kennel's Web site, Lemonade was a prize-winning male brindle show dog.
Really Jason Chessher ... its a Great Freakin Dane and a poodle ... both show dogs. Sure, everywhere there are showdogs, there are attacks on humans by said show dogs. Apparently no one in Garland has what we commonly refer to as, 'the internet'.
And the Neighbor that said 'there was no apparent reason' for the attack?
Yeah Buddy ... you're reading it right here ... Its Called Animal Uprising 2012 ... Hell, I'd be pissed if I was made to trot around an arena all my life ... I'd be biting faces too if I was the size of a Smart Car ...
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Bobcats ... Again ...
The attack happened while they were walking near S.R. 69.
The victims reported that the bobcat bit the 13-year-old's leg.
Both were transported to the Yavapai Regional Medical Center for treatment of their injuries.
Essentially, the bobcat attacked two, then charged at the cops ... no respect for law enforcement on the part of the bobcats.
But, its quite clear that something has set the bobcat's off ... possibly lunch ... or the color green ... take a look at the lady in the story, and you'll see what I'm talking about ... If I'm a bobcat, I hate the color green, and I'm hungry, then this 'attack' makes perfect sense ...
UPDATE:
Ahh, here's the reason ... Retaliation ...
Cow Attack
Brian Van Sickle said that neither John Van Sickle nor the calf was injured.
What the ??? A Cow? Cow's are some of the most docile creatures ever ... ever ...
So, to be hospitalized by a cow either takes some massive talent (read; stupidity) on the part of the human ... or ... The cow's are early in their engagement of Animal Uprising 2012 ... come to think of it, I see tons of cows on the side of the road constantly trying to get me to eat chicken ... could it be a link?
Monday, April 13, 2009
Polar Bears
The Press is having a field day with this one ...
A woman is lucky to be alive today after she jumped a fence Friday at the Berlin Zoo to enter the polar bears' enclosure during feeding time and was subsequently attacked by one of the bears, said one zoo expert.
A video of the incident shows the woman thrashing in the bears' moat and attempting to grab life preservers and ropes thrown by would-be rescuers while one of the bears repeatedly bites her rear end.
Of Course, everyone else is wrong, and only Animal Uprising 2012 knows the reality of it; Consider these things;
-It was feeding time
-The Woman was alone
-The Bears did not kill her instantly ... although its clear they could have
-The Woman reportedly swam to the bears ... during feeding time
Therefore, we can conclude some very, very disturbing hypothesis;
-Polar Bears have a special new weapon in the Animal Uprising against humanity; mind control
-This mind control has not been exercised more often because Humans do not often come into contact with Polar Bears in the wild
-The Polar Bears chose this woman out of the buffet of Humans there at the zoo; Look at her ... she's a good meal for a couple of bears, not just skin and bones ...
-The Polar Bears chose not to kill her instantly, which means they knew exactly what they were doing all along ...
-Whether this 'Mind Control' Weapon can be enabled across all bear species, or just in polar bears remains to be seen and understood
-We (Humans) are all screwed ...
If Polar Bears can make this lady jump and swim towards them at lunchtime, then I'll bet they can make you dance naked and upside down before they decide to bite off your ass ...
Friday, April 10, 2009
Pit Goes Ape Sh*t
I must admit that I'm growing slightly tired of all of the Pit Bull Attacks ... but this one thus far kinda takes the freakin cake ...
The women and the officer were taken by ambulance to Salem Hospital with injuries.
"She said, 'Help me! The dog's attacking my friends,'" Soye said.
Outside, there was blood everywhere. Neighbors called police.
We could almost start a 'PitBullUprising2012' with all the out of control Pit stories we come across, but this had everything ... Women being double mauled, law enforcement, trailer parks, blood, guts, and gore, helicopters ... everything and the kitchen sink. Hell, this could be a movie!
"In a World Full of Mobile Homes (Deep Movie Trailer Guy Voice) ... Where All you Have is a pack of Winstons and a Box of Wine ... And all the stands between you and Death ... is the Closet of the Trailer you decide to hide in ... Nothing ... Not Even the Police ... Can Stop ... Pit Bulls ... Rwarr Rwarr Rwa Rwarr (Barking) ... "
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Canadian Beagles ... and Labs ... and Runners Crying Over Their Own Stupidity ...
During the week of March 25, a runner, who wishes to remain anonymous for safety reasons, was jogging down Ellis and Crow Roads area in Quinte West. She heard barking behind her, turned, and saw that a beagle was chasing her.
Possessing a diploma in animal care, and trained to work with animals, the source stopped and stood still waiting the beagle out. Not being overly nervous, due to the smallness of the animal, she continued on her way after the animal left.
A few days later, she was out with a friend and her friend’s dog and running down Ellis road. Again, she heard a bark. It was not the beagle however. This time, it was a black Labrador and a Rottweiler-cross, much larger than the beagle.
Both people stopped, but the dog did not, resulting in a bite to the pet. “He’s passive, and didn’t fight back,” the woman said.
“The Lab circled us, and the Rotti would lunge if you tried to move,” she said, describing the scene. “We screamed for help, seeing the car in the drive way. I assumed someone was home.”
But no one from the property the dogs had run from came to help.
The source passed through the area on another run for a third time. This time, the same animals chased her a long ways down the road. “If I’d screamed, no one would have heard me. That’s how far away I was,” she said.
On all three occasions, she had called the OPP only to be told that Animal Control had more jurisdictions in regards to animals than the OPP had. The third time, however, she called almost hysterical.
“They asked me where I’d like an officer to meet me,” she said.
When the officer arrived, she described him as being smug, as he said he wouldn’t have a problem if the dogs ever chased him.
“That’s because you have a gun,” she retorted.
Here's what I want to know ... if you know that Beagles and Labs are going to chase you and threaten your very existence, why do you keep running down the same damn street?
Lady, dogs can be turned, so if they're chasing you over and over, and haven't owned you just yet, they're most likely doing it for their own amusement ... unless they are pitbulls, which are unpredictable - although I'm certain that after the initial decimation of the human population at the outset of Animal Uprising 2012, there will be factions of what remains of society that are good and bad, and will have good and bad dogs working with them ... think Mad Max amidst the barren wasteland of post apocalyptic Animal Uprising, where droves of wild beagles and labs may be friend or foe ... anyhoo ...
Sheep Attack
A 41-YEAR-OLD Romanian farm-employee was in serious condition at Limassol General Hospital yesterday after being pushed over by a sheep he was trying to catch, police said.
The 41-year-old arrived at the emergency unit of Limassol General Hospital on Thursday claiming that he was injured while working at a farm located between the Limassol and Larnaca districts. Following an examination it was confirmed the man had sustained a wound to the chest caused by a sharp object.
In his report to police, the 41-year-old claimed that in his effort to catch a sheep that escaped from the farm, he fell over and a metal object that was stuck in the ground pierced his chest.
Doctors were suspicious about the story, thinking the man might have been involved in a knife attack due to the nature of the wound. However after a second examination his story was validated.
The man told police that he could not remember the farm’s exact location, or the name of his employer. Police are investigating. .
If EVER there was an example of Animal Uprising coercion, it has to be this.
-The guy was roughed up by a sheep
-The guy was not just roughed up, but stabbed in the chest by a sheep!
-The guy told the police it was a sheep
-The guy thought better of it
-So then the guy told police he had no idea where he was working, or who he was working for
Damn straight ... if you uncover a plot to kill humans in an Animal Uprising, you better keep your mouth shut fool ...
Guess we're kind of screwed here ...
Bionic Turtle
Idiots ... Don't you realize what you've done? The Animal Uprising 2012 is upon us, and you're creating bionic suits to help them?!?
Thanks Geniuses ... Really, we here at AU2012.blogspot.com appreciate your efforts ... "Oh, lets save the poor sea turtles" ... make it a suit so that nature can't take its course, natural selection doesn't play any part, and GAMERA becomes a reality ...
The Effects of Human Age, Group Composition, and Behavior on the Likelihood of Being Injured by Attacking Pumas
This could be the most awesomest badass research paper ever. It must be shared.
Of Course, Animal Uprising 2012 must also comment ...
Really? No Shit? When I'm being attacked by an animal, I shouldn't just stand there?
So, if I stand, I'm f*cked, but if I run, the Puma will chase me down and capture me? Thanks Professor ... I had no f*cking idea that during the Animal Uprising, Animals would be trying to end me, no matter what I do.
Ok, its all clear now ... I'm f*cked if I stand there, and f*cked if I run, but maybe I'm not so f*cked if a mountain lion attacks me in the middle of a paved, even terrained area, say like, a freeway, but not necessarily a freeway in a blizzard, because then I'm just back to f*cked again ... So, my government says I should just stand there ... ok ... shall I carry a white flag, or better yet a dinner plate to serve my innards on just in case I happen upon a mountain lion? Does it really f*cking matter? Really? Because last I checked, Animal Uprisings don't pick and choose ... we all taste the same to a mountain lion ... You wasted a ton of time here UC Davis ... there is no understanding other than, its an Animal F*ckin Uprising 2012 ... I should teach the class ... ... And Guest Authors, AU2012.blogspot.com ... what? We didn't get credited? Damn ...
... And Pimped on Animal Uprising 2012 ... You're welcome ... You're wrong (You don't mention Animal Uprising 2012 Once!), but you're still welcome ...
Elephant Stomping
A Dutch tourist has been trampled to death by an elephant in a nature reserve in India. The Indian press agency IANS reports that the man set out early on Tuesday morning with eight other tourists to explore the 430-square-kilometre Kaziranga National Park in the eastern state of Assam. Although they were accompanied by an armed guide, they were surprised by the elephant, which went on the attack. The other tourists had what IANS describes as a "miraculous escape", but the 60-year-old Dutchman was unable to get away quickly enough.
Something to note with this story ... 7 others got away ... which means that the animals are intelligent enough to pick off the weaker humans first ...
Could there be a link to Pets picking off our grandparents??? HELL YEAH there's a link ... Its the Animal Uprising 2012 !!!