Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Most Pointless Post About a Bear ... Ever ...

BOISE, Idaho (AP) State wildlife managers say they used DNA to locate a radio-collared grizzly bear that attacked an Idaho Falls hunter near Harriman State Park in June.

The state Department of Fish and Game says saliva left on one of the victim's bite marks was matched earlier this month to a
FEMAle grizzly traveling with three cubs in the same area where the attack occurred.

Keith Klingler, 38, was bitten in the right arm when he and two other black bear hunters came across the grizzly June 28. He was treated for lacerations at a hospital in Rexburg.

The hunters were tracking black bears near the Bishop Mountain area of the Harriman State Park.

Wardens say one of the hunters fired a shot during the attack, but the grizzly was found unharmed.



Sooo ... ok then ... this is news apparently ... Someone collared a Grizzly so they could Big Brother 1984 them ... That Grizzly had cubs ... A couple of d-bags tried to shoot it, so she bit em (Big Surprise There) ... Then they found her ...

Right, so to sort this out, we've decided to bring in a Special Guest Blogger to this post ... Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome 'THE BEAR' from the story, answering some questions about themselves that you probably won't care much about!

1. Do you like blue cheese? I'm kind of a fan of any kind of cheese I can get my paws on, so I'll say yes, although I don't really discriminate on cheese ... at all ...

2. Have you ever smoked? Uhh, not sure how to answer this ... I mean, I'm a bear, I don't really have fingers ... I like being close to fires if that helps, but generally that freaks people out, sooo ...

3. Do you own a gun? No, but with the neighborhood going the way it is, I'm thinking about getting one for self defense, and defense of my cubs ...


4. What flavor of Kool-Aid was your favorite? This is kind of the same as cheese. I don't often get to choose the flavor, I just kind of ransack the campsite, and ingest whatever's there, so I'll say all of them.


5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointment? The closest I've come to a Doctor was a couple of Summer's ago, when there was a Doctor out hunting in the woods. They kind of snuck up on me, so sh*t yeah, I was nervous.


6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think they are delicious. Again, kind of a delicacy for me, since I don't get to choose what campers bring up with em. Would be better if they were 'children flavored' vs Pork, but who's complaining ...

7. Favorite Holiday Movie? Oh wow, tons ... Loved 'The Bear', 'Yogi's First Christmas', 'Winnie the Pooh and the Christmas Tree', although that was the least realistic ... I mean, I can't stand honey ...

8. Favorite thing to drink in the morning? Creek Water with a splash of Salmon or Trout flavoring ...


9. Can you do push ups? Sure, but whats the point for me?

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry. The other day, I bit this guy's arm, and he had this watch on ... I gave it to the cubs, and they love playing with it, because its kind of shiny. Not something you find in caves. So, I guess yeah, that thing ...


11. What's your favorite hobby? Oh Wow, LOVE to eat, to freak out humans, although I'm calming down now with the kids ...


12. Do you have A.D.D? ... yeah, not following ...


13. What trait do you hate about yourself? Between the months of about October and April, I just feel like the laziest Bear ever ...


14. Middle Name? ... the ...


15. Name 3 thoughts this exact moment:

-I really need to lose some weight ...

-Food ...

-Still Food ...


16. What do you read in the bathroom? You know, I kind of go whenever I feel like it, so, I guess whatever rock or leaf or tree branch happens to be nearby ...


17. Current Worry? That I'm not going to be able to control my hunger, and I'll end up biting your face ...


18. Current hate right now? Never changes ... hunters ...


19. Favorite place to be? The forest ...

20. How did you bring in the New Year? Slept right through it ...


21. Where would you like to go? To a campsite with a variety of cheeses and hot dogs (Ha!)


22 . Name three people who will complete this? No idea ...


23. Do you own slippers? Well, my paws are kind of, naturally fuzzy, I guess, so, no ...

24. What shirt are you wearing? Pretty topless right now.


25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Haven't had that pleasure ... would think it might be kind of pointless, since I can make it through an entire winter in a cave without any blankets.


26. Can you whistle? nope.

27. Favorite color? Red ... blood red ...

28. Would you be a pirate? No ... they taste terrible.


29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Anything fish like. I sort of 'shower' in streams, so I like to sing things that attract fish so I can snack while I bathe ...


30. What is your favorite name? Geraldine ...

31. Favorite boy's name? Boo Boo ...


32. What's in your pocket right now? Don't have any ... sorry ...


33. Last thing that made you laugh? Being asked to complete this thing !

34. What vehicle do you drive? Yeah, can't do that ... although I've had relatives who learned to drive little fire trucks in circus' and stuff ...


35. Worst injury you've ever had? Wow ... well, once I fought two other grizzlies to the death, and had some head wounds from that. There was one time that this mountain lion jumped on my back, and that turned out to be unpleasant for both of us, but of course, I'm still here ... then, one time I stepped on needle in my paw ... THAT SUCKED ...


36. How many TVs are in your house? Yeah, a TV is ???


38. What is the best memory as a child? Probably first time I snuck up on a human, and he literally peed on himself ... I was dyin for a week after that ... so funny ...


39. Do you have any pets? We have various woodland animals that we like to keep around and play with until we get hungry ...

40. Does someone have a crush on you? You know, I kind of randomly mate ... sometimes I get called a slut or dirty whore for that, but I just think its natural ...


41. Your favorite books? Probably Winnie the Pooh ...


42. Do you collect anything? The Skulls of humans I have conquered ...

43. Favorite sports team? Chicago Bears

44. What song do you want played at y .... (Bear Ate Interviewer at this time) ...

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