Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Never Bring a Fox to a Knife Fight

A 42-year-old Lake City man sitting on a bench near Building 9 at Lake City Community College was attacked by a fox Wednesday morning and a person who helped him is being sought, a Florida wildlife commission official said.

A fox grabbed the back of Richard McGlew Jr.’s leg, said Karen Parker of the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. McGlew grabbed the fox’s tail or its rear leg to pull it off of him, and the fox bit his hand. The fox would not let go, Parker said.

Another person, believed to be an LCCC student, used a pocket knife to slit the animal’s throat. It let go of McGlew.

Columbia County Emergency Medical Services responded and treated McGlew at the scene. He refused ambulance transport to a hospital.

Columbia County Deputy Brian Rix followed a blood trail and located the fox. FWC Capt. Roy Brown picked up the animal and took it to the animal shelter, Parker said.

From there, it went to the Columbia County Health Department.

The Health Department sent a specimen to be tested. Results are expected after 4 p.m. today, said Sallie Ford, environmental health director.

Ford said she does not anticipate a rabies alert to be issued, because there have not been any positive results for rabies in a long time.

Brown said the FWC is looking for the unidentified man.

“We need to find out who the Good Samaritan was who helped,” Brown said. “We don’t know if he was bitten or scratched. If the fox tests positive for rabies, the man who assisted Mr. McGlew will also need treatment.”

Parker warned about animals in the wild.

“There is always rabies in the environment,” Parker said. “Never approach a wild or stray animal. If a wild animal acts friendly toward you, it means it either has rabies or it has been fed before. In either case, you should avoid that animal.”

Probably just in this one case will I ever question the level of 'defending' here ... I mean, I can totally see taking a knife in the water when you're going to find a great white shark, or a giant squid, or in the wild when you track a bear for dinner or something, but slitting a fox's throat because it bit a guy on a community college campus?

Dontchya think that maybe you could've like, punched it in the face, or pulled really hard on its tail? Is this kinda how you solve everything Johnny Lawrence?

"Oww ... Fox Bit me ..."
"Slit the Throat"
*Bewildered Look
"Do you have a problem with that?"
"No Sensei"
"No Mercy"

Just tell me you at least tried Crane Kick technique before 'Slit the Throat' ...

Signs of the Apocalypse

End Times are here folks ...

A Swarm of Locusts ...

Addis Ababa - Swarms of locusts have invaded northwest Ethiopia, posing a serious threat to crops there and putting the region as well as the entire Horn of Africa at risk of further food shortages, officials said on Monday.

Just over a week since the UN Food and Agriculture Organisation (FAO) warned of new locust hordes descending on Eritrea and Sudan after devastating swarms hit west and northern Africa last year, Ethiopian authorities said the pests had already been spotted in Tigray and Amhara districts.

"Some groups of locusts, most probably coming from Sudan have flown into different localities in Tigray and Amhara," said Fikre Markos, the head of the crop protection department at Ethiopia's agriculture ministry.

Peter Odiyo, director of the desert locust control organisation for eastern Africa, said aerial surveillance had been mounted to try to track the swarms but that one main group appeared to have split up making such efforts difficult.

"It is ... now flying in different groups, that is why it is difficult to get an idea of the size of the whole population", he said.

"This is worrying considering that these locusts have been troubling the whole of western Africa for several months and they are now extending towards the east," Odiyo said.

Most troubling, he said, was the potential for the locusts to lay eggs thereby increasing their possible devastation by reproducing and placing both human and livestock food stocks at risk.

"The food security part is the main concern because by damaging crops they also damage livestock and wildlife, so that the cattle might also die, not having enough grass to eat," Odiyo said.

And Not to be Outdone by their cousins, a horde of Grasshoppers in the USA ...

TOOELE, Utah (AP) — An ambitious director might look at Mitch Halligan's property and see an instant B-movie classic: "Invasion of the Grasshoppers."

The place is overrun with the greasy little bugs. With each step you take on his property, the squirmy inch-long grasshoppers jump for cover in every direction. Those that don't crunch under foot perch themselves atop tall grass stalks, crawl up pant legs or munch through gardens.

Across the road isn't much better. Grasshoppers blanketed the neighbors' entryway a few days ago and forced them to come in through the back door.

"I'd call this the closest that I've seen to a plague in a long time," Halligan said.

Grasshoppers are regular summer visitors and a perennial crop-eating pest for farmers, but this year's invasion in Tooele County west of Salt Lake City is worse than anyone can remember. Tooele County commissioners have been swamped with calls about grasshoppers, particularly by people living next to undeveloped land where grasshoppers hatch — sometimes up to 2,000 per square foot.

"There's like 100 times more grasshoppers than what we're used to," said Bruce Clegg, a county commissioner whose family has lived in the area for generations.

Many of the culprits this year are clear-winged grasshoppers, which began hatching several weeks ago and have moved like an unyielding wave across the parts of the landscape ever since.

Northeast of Tooele, the grasshoppers showed up suddenly and attacked Leana Jackson's backyard garden, infiltrated her lawn and even found their way into her house and car.

"They're just a nuisance," Jackson said.

Alone, the brown and tan grasshoppers are small and more likely to tickle than terrify. But in large numbers — and they almost always come in large numbers — they are a hungry force to be reckoned with as they search for grasses and other plants to eat.

Gosh, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, swarms of locusts AND grasshoppers, and we've got the beginnings of a bonafied Animal Uprising 2012 folks ...

... Because It's Friday, You Ain't Got No Job, You a Kangaroo, and You ain't Got Sh*t To Do ...

Poppy growners in the Australian state of Tasmania have long wondered about a strange phenomenon. The crop circles that have been known to, well, crop up in poppy fields have even inspired legends, the Mercury of Hobart, Tasmania, reports. Like crop circles elsewhere in the world, the poppy circles were mysterious, but no answers were forthcoming.

Mystery solved ... maybe.

Tasmania supplies about half of the world's legally-produced opium, which is made from poppies and used to make painkillers like morphine. But, of course, it's important to safeguard the plant, which is used not only in legal painkillers, but also to produce heroin.

Security for the poppy plants was the subject of discussion at a recent parliamentary hearing, which took an unexpected turn when Lara Giddings, attorney general of Tasmania, spoke of a strange discovery.

"The one interesting bit that I found recently in one of my briefs on the poppy industry was that we have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," Giddings told those assembled. "Then they crash. We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high."

So ... high wallabies hopping in circles cause the crop-circle phenomenon? Not everyone believes the story, but other animals -- deer and sheep, for example -- have been known to enjoy the poppy plant and act strangely afterward.

The magnificently named Lyndley Chopper, a 30-year poppy-growing veteran and recent retiree, told Australia's ABC News that he'd witnessed odd behavior from area wallabies who'd been in his fields. "They would just come and eat some poppies and they would go away. They'd come back again and they would do their circle work in the paddock," Chopping said.

But the former poppy grower didn't seem concerned about the idea of chemical dependence on the part of the wallabies. "They seem to know when they've had enough," he recalled of his encounters with the small kangaroo relatives. "They'll still be around and they would leave them alone. It's hard to work out. Didn't seem to be any real pattern to their behavior."

Don't these things have sacks on the front of their bellies? Is anyone thinking to look there? This solves the whole 'Drug War' crisis ...

"Hey, Why are all the illegal druge producing plants missing?"


"Oh ... want a sandwich?"


Thats about what happens when people notice animals and their illegal drug usage. No telling what wallabies could get away with in international smuggling rings. Just look at the size of that animals midsection in the picture ... marijuana, check ... cocaine, check ... heroine, check ... child slave labor, check ...

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Israeli Mecha Robot Snake

Israeli defense researchers are working on a robot snake that can sneak through cracks and into buildings to send back sound and video of enemy movements — or even plant explosives.

That's according to the Jerusalem Post, which cites a news report from Israel's Channel 2.

A video clip shows the six-foot-long robot, covered in camouflage, winding its way through rocks and tree stumps, its "head" a flat camera lens ringed by LED lights.

The "snake" can also prop up its front sections vertically to peer over obstacles.

It's remote-controlled by a soldier, who uses a laptop both to guide the robot and to see and hear what it's feeding back.

The Israel Defense Forces plan to equip combat units with search-and-surveillance models, which could also be useful to find survivors trapped within collapsed buildings.

Future models might be used to plant bombs in enemy facilities.

WTF Israeli Defense Force?!?

Apparently, if you're Jewish, its not enough that Snakes (Natural) snakes will be part of the animal uprising ... its only a REAL uprising if you create a robot animal to help the Animals exterminate humans.

I know, I know ... Its meant so the Israelis can fight other humans ... but c'mon ... if you're reading this, then you know how this is going to go ...

-Snake is busy in Animal Uprising 2012 decimating humans

-Snake finds mechaSnake

-Snake thinks 'Sweet ... I'll send mechaSnake to do this for me'

-Snake goes on holiday while mechaSnake continues to destroy the human population

Whats that you say? The mechaSnake will destroy the real snake? Ha Ha my friends ... historical fact that robot animals do not fare well against their natural born brethren ...

I rest my case ... Any Questions?

Thats what I thought ...

Bear in Driveway

A western North Carolina woman has been treated and released after being attacked in her driveway by a black bear.

The Asheville Citizen-Times reported Monday that Buncombe County emergency officials said the woman was attacked Sunday night at her home.

A spokesman at Mission Hospital in Asheville said the woman was treated and released.

The woman's name wasn't released.

Can Someone tell me how a woman is attacked by a Bear ... at her house ... in her driveway ... AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT ... and we can't even get a MF'in name ?!?!?!

WhyTF would we not want to teach people how to survive something like this ... or is this a special human, anti-animal uprising superpower she his privvy to, while the rest of humanity is doomed to extinction?!?


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Doggie Grenade

BERLIN -- A dog playing fetch in Germany brought its owner a live U.S. hand grenade from the Second World War.

Police in the western town of Erkrath said yesterday they were called by the dog's 40-year-old owner who stopped walking her pooch when she recognized the "rusty" object it was carrying was a weapon.

Police summoned a munitions expert Sunday to identify and defuse the grenade.

Grenades and bombs left over from the war are still often found in Germany.

Sometimes whole streets in neighbourhoods are evacuated so that such devices can be safely defused.

Well, this dog, while smart enough to somehow almost manage to kill its owner in a clever way, just happened to barely miss the mark. Good thing for this dog is, he'll probably get another shot at it; he most likely just wagged his tail, and walked around with a 'What did I do?' look on his face.

You know exactly what you did Dog ... you're just lucky your owner doesn't buy into the Animal Uprising 2012 ...

Chimp Food

BERLIN - Doctors say the Berlin Zoo's director will likely lose the finger a chimpanzee nearly bit off as he tried to feed it.

Director Bernhard Blaszkiewitz was feeding walnuts to a male chimpanzee named Pedro on Monday when it bit his right index finger almost completely off.

Doctors say Blaszkiewitz underwent an eight-hour operation to reattach it, but it became infected. Surgeon Andreas Eisenschenk said Tuesday that Blaszkiewitz is likely to lose the finger.

Gee Pedro, don't you look smug ... was that finger good?

Gee Dr. Blaszkiewitz ... could it be you have completely underestimated the Animal Population? Chimps ... so like us ... the nearest thing in the evolutionary chain, don't like to be locked up in a zoo, and took an opportunity to strike at the leader of said zoo ... Really? Was this really a surprise.

Look 'Doc' ... I don't know where you got your degree, because they haven't called me to teach this course, but its coming ... you fail to acknowledge that the Animal Uprising 2012 is a real thing, and had you done so, maybe you would have been slightly more careful.

I'm not sayin, just sayin ...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Giant jellyfish like this one are taking over parts of the world's oceans as overfishing and other human activities open windows of opportunity for them to prosper, say researchers.

In this photo, a diver is attaching a sensor to track a monster Echizen jellyfish, which has a body almost 5 feet across, off the coast of northern Japan.

Jellyfish are normally kept in check by fish, which eat small jellyfish and compete for jellyfish food such as zooplankton, researchers said. But, with overfishing, jellyfish numbers are increasing.

These huge creatures can burst through fishing nets, as well as destroy local fisheries with their taste for fish eggs and larvae.

Anthony Richardson of CSIRO Marine & Atmospheric Research and colleagues reported their findings in the journal Trends in Ecology and Evolution to coincide with World Oceans Day.

They say climate change could also cause jellyfish populations to grow. The team believes that for the first time, water conditions could lead to what they call a "jellyfish stable state," in which jellyfish rule the oceans.

The combination of overfishing and high levels of nutrients in the water has been linked to jellyfish blooms. Nitrogen and phosphorous in run-off cause red phytoplankton blooms, which create low-oxygen dead zones where jellyfish survive, but fish can't, researchers said.

"(There is) a jellyfish called Nomura, which is the biggest jellyfish in the world. It can weigh 200 kilograms (440 pounds), as big as a sumo wrestler and is 2 meters (6.5 feet) in diameter," Richardson said.

Richardson said jellyfish numbers are increasing in Southeast Asia, the Black Sea, the Gulf of Mexico and the North Sea.

You know, there is something to be said for Metroid coming to life to dominate our faces.

Very Soon, the land animals will take part in the Animal Uprising 2012, and we, the humans, will be driven towards the oceans. By this time, of course, the Oceans will be dominated by giant jellyfish, who will encircle the human race, with the sole purpose of sucking our brains through our eye sockets.

Simply put, this will not end pretty.

We can't very well tell people to stop eating fish now can we? Because that seems to be the only solution to stop the giant Metroid jelly fish from rising up?

I'll make a deal ... I will do my part, and give up going to Long John Silvers.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Bees HATE Video Games

The employees in a New York City GameStop were working as usual during Memorial Day weekend when bees suddenly appeared. Thousands of them, and they were not happy.

It is unclear exactly where the bees' hive was located or what disturbed it, but whatever the case may be, the swarm of bees kept GameStop employees from leaving the store, for fear of getting stung.

According to the local ABC news station, the swarm ... well ... swarmed outside the building and prevented GameStop employees from conducting any kind of business for hours. However, they did not lose their sense of humor. While the bee situation was being sorted out, employees hung a "Temporarily Closed Due to Bee Infestation" sign in the window. The sign also had the word "Look!" and an arrow pointing to where bees were gathered.

ABC reporters were quickly on the scene and called the police in an effort to alleviate the problem. The police department said to call the fire department, which said to call 911, which said to call 311, which said to call the New York City mayor's office. After all that, it still took two hours to get anyone to help.

Anyone other than Edward Albers, that is. Albers was labeled a "Good Samaritan" by ABC news, and with good reason. According to the report, he lured about a thousand bees (but who's counting?) into a bag, which he closed and put inside a box. The box was labeled Danger and placed inside the "Do not cross" tape that was keeping "bee watchers" back.

One such bee watcher, named Herman Leath, said, "They say somebody's on the way, but they're taking a long time to get here."

When help did eventually arrive, it came in the form of the NYPD. Yes, in the end, it was the first department ABC news called that ended up actually helping.

The NYPD sent Tony Planakis, its "bee specialist," to remove the bees. When asked how long it would take to remove the swarm, Planakis replied, "It depends, it could take a half hour, it could take an hour, could take a couple hours."

Clad in jeans, a hoodie, a bee mask and gloves, Planakis set to work.

Eventually he succeeded in his task, and nonviolently relocated the bees "upstate to his hives." GameStop employees were able to re-open the store, and business continued as usual. At least, as usual as it gets when the better part of the workday has been spent trapped inside the store for fear of a large swarm of insects.

Surprisingly, nobody was stung throughout the whole ordeal.

"It's just something I've never seen before ... this is Manhattan, New York ... I guess you could see anything," Leath the bee watcher said.

Hopefully it is not something those GameStop employees will have to see again for a long while.

From Last week, but ridiculously relevant, considering Bee's just tried to bring that airplane down in MA.

Look, I'm a fan of honey, flying, and videogames, but if these things are becoming too hazardous to my health, then I'll reconsider all three. I mean cmon ... Here's the latest Wii game, but if you buy it, you'll be stung 1 million times by this swarm of bees ... Wow, well, yeah, I guess I'll pass on WiiFit ...

Gator Pool

Associated Press

Getting a gator caused a splash at one pool in Port Arthur.

Gator Country owner Gary Saurage (sarge) jumped into a residential swimming pool to extract the 5-foot-long unwanted alligator.

Larry Bland told KFDM-TV he wasn't sure who to contact when the gator turned up in his pool on Saturday.

Bland's calls to various agencies eventually led to the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department and assistance from Gator Country.

Video of the removal shows Saurage wrestling with the reptile in the 10-foot-deep pool before removing the animal. Saurage says it's nesting season, which is one reason why the gators are coming out of their more reclusive habitat.

Gator Country is a combination haven for alligators, learning center and recreational complex.

Port Arthur is about 90 miles east of Houston.

Well, that Gators have decided to begin invading homes ... which means there's not much time for us now!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Bees 'N' Planes ...

DANVERS — You've heard of snakes on a plane, but on Sunday there were about 10,000 bees on a plane at Beverly Airport.

A swarm of honeybees landed on the wing of a plane used for flight school training, parked on the tarmac of the airport's west side off Burley Street.

It was the type of landing the owner of Beverly Flight Center, Arne Nordeide, had never witnessed.

"I never saw anything like it," Nordeide said.

Nordeide called Danvers police, who put him in touch with a local bee removal expert, Al Wilkins of Middleton.

Wilkins arrived and used a specially designed vacuum to suck the bees off the wing and from the ground below the plane. Wilkins has relocated the bees to hives where they will produce honey.

"I thought they were crash-landed in the airport," said Wilkins, who has been removing bees from houses and structures since 1978.

Nordeide said the bees were spotted buzzing around the wing of the Piper Warrior aircraft around 11 a.m. This plane does not sit around much — it flies five to six hours a day.

"The plane had already flown around 8 a.m.," Nordeide said, "and all of a sudden, they (the bees) decided to land."

At first, the bees swarmed over the left side of the aircraft, then landed on top of the left wing. The weather was hot, Nordeide said, so that may be why they went under the wing

... Or maybe they were trying to bring the plane down?

Look, Animal Uprising incidents fail too, and in this case, the bees probably either figured that the pilot wouldn't notice them, or they simply got it all wrong, and nobody told them the plane had to be in the air before they congregated on the wing in their vain attempt to bring it down.

But, Oh DemiGods of the blogworld ... there is no way in hell Bees could bring down a plane ... is there?

... Yee All of little faith ... Its happened before my friends ...

Either way, a clear Animal Uprising 2012 incident foiled ... Yay Massachusetts ...

Squirrels = Zero Respect

PORT HURON, Mich. — A brazen squirrel has been grabbing small American flags placed in a cemetery and carrying them up to its nest, which now looks as if it's bedecked in bunting.

Every Memorial Day, volunteers place the flags next to the graves of about 965 veterans buried at Mount Hope Cemetery on the city's north side. The flags were undisturbed during a Mass held Monday.

The next day, the Times Herald reported, workers at the cemetery about 55 miles northeast of Detroit noticed several wooden staffs were still in the ground, but the flags themselves had been torn off — leaving a few scraps of red, white and blue.

Cemetery workers were stumped until the mystery unfurled in front of superintendent Ron Ceglarek's eyes. He watched a squirrel detach a flag stapled to a staff and carry it up a tree to a waiting squirrel building a nest.

Ceglarek watched it happen about a dozen times.

"He plucks them right off," Ceglarek said. "If I didn't see it, and I didn't follow the squirrel, I would have never believed it. ... It looked like he had a little bandanna in his mouth."

Red, white and blue fabric is draped over the branches around the nest, about 45 feet up a spruce tree.

Ceglarek said the cemetery normally keeps the flags at the gravesites until Flag Day on June 14, but they'll likely have to come out of the ground early this year to thwart the bushy-tailed burglar.

"Maybe they are trying to tell us it is going to be a hard winter," Ceglarek said. "Why use leaves when you can get flags?"

Maybe they're trying to tell you 'Death to America' ...

The sooner you realize the Animal Uprising 2012 is a real thing, and occurrences like this aren't just funny coincidence, the safer we're all going to be. I mean really, what would happen if they found out a human was doing this? There would be outrage, Hannity would be crying like a conservative little girl, and Rush Limbaugh would turn back to painkillers.

But of course, nothing but a whimper from the media.

Underestimate the Animal Uprising 2012 at your own peril media ...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Duck Killer

A 10-year-old child has been charged with animal cruelty in connection with an attack last month that presumably orphaned nine ducklings after their mother and a sibling were likely stoned to death at Hoopes Park, officials said.
Auburn Police Department Lt. Shawn Butler said it's up to the county attorney to decide whether or not to prosecute the child with the misdemeanor charge in family court.

A representative from the county attorney's office was not immediately available.

Two children younger than 13 years old were also with the 10-year-old during the alleged incident that occurred on May 17, but were not charged, Butler said.

“We can only draw the charge against the one who actually killed a duck based on the evidence,” Butler said. “Through interviews with the children and their parents we were able to determine who threw the rocks. Because we talked to the parents, they are well aware of what their kids where doing and where.”

City Manager Mark Palesh said that he and city maintenance worker Jeff Brown gathered up the ducklings a day after the attack and placed them in the park's greenhouse attached to the back of the club house. Palesh's daughter, Madeline, 11, and Brown's daughters, Alexis, 12, and Kate, 5, helped take care of the ducklings for several days.

But by the end of the week, Palesh said, two Department of Environmental Conservation officials told him he needed a migratory bird permit to take care of the ducks and that the animals would be transferred to Kindred Kingdoms Wildlife Rehabilitation in Pennellville.

Jean Soprano, president of Kindred Kingdoms, said the ducklings, which are between 4 and 6 weeks old, are now living with 10 other orphaned ducklings.

“They have doubled in size in about a week,” Soprano said. “They are eating and growing like little pigs. We want to limit their human interaction because they will be released into the wild after they grow their primary flight feathers, which won't happen until September.”

Soprano said her goal is to release them into a heated pond in the Utica area next winter, where they will learn the migratory habits from other ducks.

The ducklings cannot be released into Hoopes Park because the ducks there do not migrate, Soprano said.

But that does not mean none of them will return to Auburn.

“The female ducks will return,” Soprano said. “Ducks are matriarchal, and when the mate, they mate for life and they always return to where the female was born. It's instinct.”

Idiots ... Did it ever occur to you that the children ... the CHILDREN people are protecting us from the Animals?!? Why ... WHY! would they kill a duck for no reason? Because, there IS a Reason!!!!!!!!!!!!

Animal Uprising 2012 ... Obviously, the Children knew the ducks were evil ... there is no other explanation ... and you di*ckheads want to lock up our protectors ...

You will all suffer ...

Penguin Poop

LONDON, England (CNN) -- Call it a case of high tech meeting low tech, really the lowest of tech.

British scientists are using pictures from high-powered satellites to pinpoint emperor penguin colonies in Antarctica.

The penguins are difficult to pick up on sea ice, because of their natural camouflage that helps them blend into the shadows -- so the British Antarctic Survey had to come up with another method.

Fortunately, penguin waste shows up nicely from space, staining the ice a light brown.

"We can't see actual penguins on the satellite maps because the resolution isn't good enough," said mapping expert Peter Fretwell. "But during the breeding season the birds stay at a colony for eight months. The ice gets pretty dirty and it's the guano stains that we can see."

The method helped scientists identify 38 penguin colonies -- of those, 10 were new. Of previously known colonies, six had re-located and six were not found.

"This is a very exciting development. Now we know exactly where the penguins are, the next step will be to count each colony so we can get a much better picture of population size," said penguin ecologist Phil Trathan.

"Using satellite images combined with counts of penguin numbers puts us in a much better position to monitor future population changes over time."

Estimates put the total number of penguins at between 200,000 and 400,000 breeding pairs.

Someone out there must REALLY be concerned about Penguins, as they are willing to track sh*t to find them. Could it be a diabolical plan to invade from the North? And can someone explain why, if we can find clumps of little brown sh*t on an ice cap, we can't seem to find groups of half a million black birds on a white sheet? When did this become difficult? Really?

If you see a Penguin walking down your street, its most likely because the invasion of Penguins has already begun, and the sh*t tracking has failed. Say your prayers humans.