Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Piranha Invasion of Florida ... Kid is Sad ...

PALM SPRINGS — Now swimming in a pond near you: Ferocious razor-toothed predators direct from the Amazon River basin.
A boy fishing last month in a pond near his condo complex, at Arabian Road and Lake Arbor Drive, pulled from the water not the bass or catfish he was used to but a writhing, red-bellied piranha.
Ten days later, officials with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission combed the same pond and discovered a second piranha lurking beneath the surface. Investigators said the toothy fish probably were kept as pets, a crime punishable by a $1,000 fine in Florida, before their owners turned them loose.
In response, wildlife officers this morning were plying the roughly four-acre pond with rotenone fish poison, an "extreme measure" meant to kill off any piranha still hiding out there, said wildlife commission spokeswoman Gabriella Ferraro.
As a side effect, the effort also will kill every other fish living in the pond.
Which ruined Darrin Duchene's day. The Palm Springs man said his son, Jake, who angled the piranha on Oct. 13, grew up fishing the pond.
"He's come back with every strange fish there is," said Duchene, remembering times Jake turned up with peacock bass and a Jaguar Guapote, a fish native to Central America.
He recalled the day a month ago Jake caught the piranha.
"I was sitting in my chair and he came running in. He said he saw a bunch of minnows getting torn up. He cast his line in there and, boom, kind of snagged it in the top of the head," Duchene said. "He ran over and said, 'Dad! Dad! I caught a piranha!'"
"I said, 'No way.' "
But, peering down at the fish, Duchene had to admit it looked exactly like the ones he had seen on the Discovery Channel.
"We had him in a zip-lock bag, and he was flipping around for probably 20 minutes. He was a big, tough one," Duchene said.
They called the wildlife commission, and an officer came and "seized the piranha for further investigation," the officer's report said.
The Duchene's gave up the fish reluctantly.
"I wanted to keep it so I could get it mounted for him, because nobody has a piranha," Duchene said. "He said they might give it back to us."
As wildlife officers poisoned his pond this morning, Duchene said he regretted ever calling them.
"All the years of enjoyment, for them to come wipe out that place, that's freakin' tragedy," he said. "That is terrible. That'll break my son's heart."

Look, you may think that having a piranhan mounted on your wall is cool, and you may be the first kid on your block to do so, but lets look at the facts here:

-Piranhas are from the Amazon
-The Amazon is not in Florida
-Piranhas from the Amazon somehow have made it to Florida
-Piranhas from the Amazon made it into a pond in Florida

If Piranhas from the Amazon can find a way into your pond behind your house, then I do not want to have a Piranha on my wall when it finds a way into my freaking house ... and it will ... oh yes, it will ...

Buck Season ... Beware ...

MOIRA — For a few terrifying minutes, a Moira man became prey for a disgruntled buck.
An attack by a 10-point buck Friday sent Gerald A. Dabiew, 56, to the emergency room, covered from head to toe with cuts and bruises. Mr. Dabiew — who doesn't even hunt — was attacked for several minutes by the buck behind his house on Best Road.
"It seemed like hours," Mr. Dabiew said.
He was treated for his injuries and released from the hospital, but still was sore Monday, covered in bruises and scratches but with no broken bones.
His home is isolated and surrounded by woods, and Mr. Dabiew said he has seen deer in the area, but none has come close to him. So on Friday, as he was loading wood into a bucket behind his house, he didn't think twice as he spotted the buck across the road, watching it as he finished his work.
"He stepped on the road, he looked at me, and the next thing I know, he was coming right at me," he said. "He got me down on the ground, and it was then I knew that he really wanted to kill me."
For several minutes, Mr. Dabiew fought the buck, which tried to flip him over several times as he wrapped his legs around the animal's neck and held on to its horns.
The buck kept him pinned and pounded him into the ground, holding him there so he couldn't move. When Mr. Dabiew tried to wrestle himself loose, the buck would ram him again, he said.
"But I wasn't letting go of him," he said.
The buck injured Mr. Dabiew's hand and body with its horns, although the horns didn't puncture his body, and kicked him on the jaw.
"I've got bruises from head to toe," he said. "He picked me up in the air and pounded me into the ground."
During the ordeal, Mr. Dabiew, who was home alone, said he hollered for help until his throat went dry as he continued to battle the animal. Without the adrenaline pulsing through his veins, he said, he never would have lasted as long as he did. Even then, by the end of the fight his arms had lost all their strength.
The buck tried one last time to turn him over, but Mr. Dabiew, who describes himself as "a good-sized guy," broke loose and managed eventually to kick the animal, causing it to back off and run away.
"I don't know why he came around. All I was doing was throwing wood," he said. "I'm not even a hunter."
Mr. Dabiew said the sound of the wood hitting his bucket could have sounded like deer horns being hit together, a strategy hunters often use to lure deer.
No matter what the cause, deer attacks are uncommon, but not unheard of.
"This is breeding season for whitetails, and they get pretty aggressive, usually with other bucks," said wildlife biologist Ed Reed of the state Department of Environmental Conservation Region 5 office. "They have been known to attack people. If he sees something moving, he feels like it's somebody encroaching on his territory."
In fact, people are more likely to be attacked by a deer than a bear, which more people fear but which attack extremely rarely.
Mr. Reed said people should not be concerned for their safety in light of Friday's attack against Mr. Dabiew. He said Mr. Dabiew's theory about why the buck attacked could be correct, as the sound of wood hitting a bucket would have simulated the "sound of bucks fighting."
Mr. Dabiew said he certainly didn't consider deer to be dangerous animals — until Friday.
"It changed my way of thinking," he said. "I took an awful pounding; I know that."

Wow ... WTF ???   Sorry Gerald, but you've been made an example of ... I would really spend the rest of my time warning people not to hunt deer, because after centuries of this hunting crap, and the last decade or so of truck nut laden rednecks with orange vests and camo gear (really?  cmon now ... ), the bucks are about f*ckin sick of it, and I don't blame em.  The deer are about to rain down some hard core retribution on our asses ...

You have been warned.

Jellyfish (Again ... Yes, Same Thing we've been preaching)

Kokonogi, Nov 17 (THAINDIAN NEWS) Nomura is the world’s largest jellyfish and its poison can kill the other fish very fast. It normally used to stay in the ocean but are now a common occurrence along Japan’s coastline and a big cause for worry for the fishermen. This may be due to the fact that global warming has in turn affected the overall temperature of the oceans and has allowed some of the almost 2,000 jellyfish species to expand their geographical ranges, appear earlier in the year and increase their overall population as well.
‘The gelatinous seaborne creatures are blamed for decimating fishing industries in the Bering and Black seas, forcing the shutdown of seaside power and desalination plants in Japan, the Middle East and Africa, and terrorizing beachgoers worldwide’, the U.S. National Science Foundation says.
“Some fishermen have just stopped fishing,” said Taiichiro Hamano, 67. “When you pull in the nets and see jellyfish, you get depressed.”
Lucas Brotz, a researcher from the University of British Columbia, told AP, “These increases in jellyfish should be a warning sign that our oceans are stressed and unhealthy.”
Japanese fisherman Fumio Oma and his hard working crew are now out of work after their fishing net broke under the weight of thousands of jellyfish. He told the media that, “We have been getting rid of jellyfish. But no matter how hard we try, the jellyfish keep coming and coming. We need the government’s help to get rid of the jellyfish.”

Spanky the Llam (With Video!)

BLUM, Texas - James Steele knew llamas were ornery, but he never expected "Spanky" to attack him.
"I knew they'd spit on you, run into on their back legs and knock you down," said the 59-year-old Hill County resident, "but I'd never had one physically try to hurt me, bite me. That sucker did hurt me."
Steele has the physical proof: he's on crutches now, with 700 stitches embroidering his right lower leg.
Last week he and a friend were in a field near his home in the town of Blum, about 90 miles southwest of Dallas.
They were checking on his goats when a neighbor's llama got in the way. Steele tried to shoo away the normally gentle 8-foot-tall animal.
He figures his actions caused the creature to snap.
"He was on them hind legs, had them front legs up and he hit me and knocked me down, and after that the lights kinda went out," Steele remembered.
"They say he grabbed me by the leg and shook me and throwed me about ten feet."
Friend Terry Flowers saw what was happening and found the first weapon he could to help.
"I grabbed that pipe and jumped the fence and just started hittin' on him just to get him off of him," said Flowers.
The llama's owner ended up shooting and killing the animal. Rabies tests came back negative.
The attack was especially dangerous for Steele, who is on blood thinner medication and is awaiting a heart transplant.
The animal's behavior is puzzling to everyone.
"Their grandchildren rode on this llama. Why do you think this would do that?" said Robbie Steele, the victim's wife. "I don't know if it just didn't like him, or if it was having a bad day."

Bad Day?  You fuckin betcha!

Sure sign of things to come folks.  Llamas on the hunt ... From Wikipedia:
Llamas which are well-socialized and trained to halter and lead after weaning are very friendly and pleasant to be around. They are extremely curious and most will approach people easily. However, llamas that are bottle-fed or over-socialised and over-handled as youngsters will become extremely difficult to handle when mature, when they will begin to treat humans as they treat each other, which is characterized by bouts of spitting, kicking and neck wrestling. Anyone having to bottle-feed a cria should keep contact to a minimum and stop as soon as possible.
When correctly reared spitting at a human is a rare thing. Llamas are very social herd animals, however, and do sometimes spit at each other as a way of disciplining lower-ranked llamas in the herd. A llama's social rank in a herd is never static. They can always move up or down in the social ladder by picking small fights. This is usually done between males to see who becomes alpha. Their fights are visually dramatic with spitting, ramming each other with their chests, neck wrestling and kicking, mainly to knock the other off balance. The females are usually only seen spitting as a means of controlling other herd members.

Essentially, the Llama basically thought 'I'm yo alpha male bitch' and tried to end this guy ... and probably would have succeeded if not for the 12 guage.

Beware the petting zoos folks ...

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Kangaroos F*ck Up Austrialia

Oh, the Irony ...

Sorry Thargo ...whatever, but looks like another human stronghold has fallen to the Animal Uprising 2012 ...

Hippos Strike the Human Food Supply

Hippopotami have over the weekend destroyed some rice fields at Brook Rice farm in Upper Fulladu District, Central River Region (CRR) south.

Speaking to our reporter in CRR, Yai Suwareh, a victim from Draman, said the hippopotami have destroyed all her produce and left her in a desperate situation. According to her, she has paid five hundred dalasis for the ploughing of the field and transplanting the seedlings all which went in vain now that the hippos have destroyed all what she was expecting from the farm.

Nuimi Drammeh of Burko said the rice fields destroyed by the hippos is a source of their livelihood while indicating that the hippo menace is becoming rampant in the area. The fact remains that the population of the hippos are increasing rapidly and so is the land under cultivation causing inevitable confict of interest. Njonkolin Touray of the same village expressed similar sentiment.

'The Hippo Menace is Becoming Rampant' ... Is it that they are hungry, or isn't the better explanation that they are fighting back ...

Africa ... You're F*ckin Out! 

Lizard ... Destroyer of Worlds ...

Just a quick shot this morning ... This guy believes now ...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Coyotes Hate Music

Pretty Tragic right here ...

Taylor Mitchell, 19, died yesterday as a result of injuries sustained in a Coyote attack on the Skyline Trail in Cape Breton Highlands National Park, Nova Scotia, Canada. Taylor, a folk singer-songwriter from Toronto, was hiking alone when two coyotes attacked her. Her cries for help alerted other hikers who then called emergency services. Although police shot and wounded one of the Coyotes, both animals initially escaped and one remains at large. Taylor was in critical condition when she was airlifted by helicopter to Queen Elizabeth II Health Sciences Centre in Halifax. Sadly, her injuries were so severe that she passed away on Wednesday morning.
 What Makes this even scarier is that there is NO RABIES THEORY involved in this story whatsoever ... 

LOUISBOURG, N.S. — Experts have determined that a coyote believed to be involved in a shocking attack on a young hiker on a Cape Breton trail was neither diseased nor hungry.
Parks Canada staff tracked and destroyed a coyote last Tuesday, hours after Taylor Mitchell, a folksinger from Toronto, was mauled by two of the animals in Cape Breton Highlands National Park.
The 19-year-old later died in a Halifax hospital.
The federal agency said the Atlantic Veterinary Centre has done tests on the coyote and preliminary results suggest it was involved in the attack on the Skyline Trail, which remained closed Monday.
"There's no evidence of rabies or other disease or any other physical element of the animal that might have led to this attack," said Chip Bird, a field unit superintendent with Parks Canada in Cape Breton.
Bird said the coyote was a 14-kilogram adult female in "really healthy shape." There was also evidence that the coyote had food in its system.
"This was not a hungry or starving animal," he said.
There have been a number of theories as to why the coyotes attacked Mitchell as she hiked alone on the popular trail. Coyotes are considered shy animals that are typically fearful of humans.
Some experts have suggested the coyotes were young, inexperienced and unafraid of humans. Others have theorized the animals were diseased.
Bird said Parks Canada staff are talking to other wildlife experts in hopes of determining what happened.
Meanwhile, the search continues on the Skyline Trail and other trails nearby for the second coyote involved in the attack.

Jellyfish('s) Sink a Freakin Boat

We can't make this stuff up folks ...

INEVITABLE Japan ... you guys are so f*cked! 

Just About Sums It Up Right Here

No Idea what the story is behind this gem of a pic, but if you're a believer like us, then this should be about the most terrifying pic you will ever see ... ever ...

Just TONS of Updates, so Sorry for the Overload !!!!!!!!!!!

So behind Everybody ... and there are TONS of uprising stories to report on!

Its Coming ... be patient!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Bear Mugs Hiker For iPhone

The "geniuses" at the Apple Store in Vermont have probably run into all sorts of excuses for broken iPhones, but they just didn't believe Kris Rowley. "A bear ate my iPhone," she told them.
This summer, Rowley was hiking in the woods of Vermont when she felt a predator's eyes following her. Rowley stopped dead in her tracks. A young bear slowly emerged from behind an evergreen tree. Rowley, CISO for the State of Vermont, knows about facing down malware—not avoiding a mauling.

Bears love iPhones, too.
Rowley backed away slowly, the bear followed slowly. Then Rowley had a funny thought: I wonder what is its motivation? Curiosity? She quickly decided that it wasn't really important. She backed away a little faster, the bear followed a little faster.
Click here to find out more! Rowley went through her mental list of how to prevent bear attacks. Play dead? A good last resort. Pepper spray? Didn't have it. Drop a backpack to distract the bear? She wasn't wearing one. All Rowley had was her iPhone.
She could use one of her lifelines and phone a friend. Or maybe there was an anti-bear app among the 80,000 apps on the App Store. There's Battle Bears, Bears on a Wire, Bear Beware, Chicago Bears, Go Bears!, My Teddy Bears, Goldilocks and the Three Bears. The bear closed within 30 feet. "In a semi-panic, I threw the phone at the bear," Rowley says.
Turns out the bear was an Apple fanboy.
The bear sniffed and pawed at the iPhone, as Rowley briskly made her exit. Apparently, Rowley was not too concerned that her iPhone was now in the possession of a dangerous teenager and considered a data security breech.
Two days later, armed with a baseball bat, Rowley returned to the scene of the crime. She wanted her iPhone back—and found it. Of course, it was marred with teeth and claw marks.
Rowley figured the good folks at Apple would understand and help her out. Heck, they might even applaud the iPhone's new application for self-defense. Alas, they didn't believe her. (If Apple doesn't believe the CISO of the state of Vermont, then the rest of us don't stand a chance.)
"I had to buy a new phone or forfeit my contract if I canceled, so I purchased a new phone at full price," Rowley says, although she doesn't seem too mad about it. "While saddened about my mangled iPhone, better the phone than me."

Add to the list of things the iPhone can do, Animal Uprising 2012 Defender App ... good only once, the Animal Uprising 2012 App can be used to fend off the animal of your choice ... warning, this app has not been tested on elephants, rhinos, hippos, or big cats.

In other news, the 'giant dickhead of the week award' goes to ... (drum roll) ... the douche behind the counter at the apple store who wouldn't replace this ladies phone in exchange for all the free pub they're getting out of this!  He's probably related to the chachbag that wouldn't exchange my iphone with the broken switches after telling me I had 'moisture damage' ...

dicks ...

Bees Hate Soccer

The match was barely three minutes old when the bees took refuge inside the goalposts at the EL Salvador end.
Play was held up for around six minutes as officials used fire extinguishers to clear the insects.
Mexico went on to win the match 4-1 to secure a place in the 2010 World Cup finals in South Africa.
The Mexicans will finish their Concacaf campaign away to Trinidad and Tobago on Wednesday.

Apparently, Mexican bees don't like El Salvador.  That, or Mexican soccer, tired of losing to the US over and over, has found a way to train animals to help them cheat.  Either way, the animals come out winners in this one ... until they get doused in anti-bee stuff from Mexico.  And BTW ... Mexican anti-bee stuff is also known as a 'fire extinguisher' in the US.  Crazy huh?

The game was delayed for about 10 minutes while the bees were sprayed with fire extinguishers, and play resumed shortly thereafter.  IMO, the only fair thing to do would have been to play the first half with the bees in the goal, then go ahead and let the second half start when the teams switched sides.  Would have been WAAAYYYY more interesting to watch that way, and both teams would have been equal! 

Long Video, but you get the jist of it ... there are bees, El Salvador is scared, Mexicans try to douse them with a fire extinguisher.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Animals Hate Golfers

WTF ?!?!?!?
A 77-year-old man lost his arm below the elbow on Thursday when he was attacked by an alligator while playing golf on Fripp Island, the Island Packet reported on its Web site.The man, who was playing the 11th hole of the island's Ocean Creek Golf Course, leaned down to pick up his ball when a 10-foot long alligator grabbed his arm, said Kate Hines, general manager of the Fripp Island Property Owners Association, according to the report. The alligator then dragged the man into a nearby pond and went into a series of "death rolls," a technique it uses to tear apart its food, Hines told the paper. That was when the man lost his arm. The man's golf buddies were able to free him from the alligator's grasp and called 911, according to the report. Tracks worker killed the alligator and performed a necropsy on it to remove the man's arm from the animal's digestive track, Hines told the paper. The arm was stored in a cooler in the hopes of re-attaching it. The man's condition was still unknown late Thursday night.
Wow, this hits home ... I f**kin love golf.  The other day, I saw a huge turtle go into the pond at my local muni.  I think I'd flip shit if I saw something like this.  Jeezus, I mean ... think about this.  The gator knew the guy hit a bad shot into the pond.  They Learn this stuff!  People hit bad shots all the time!  I mean, not me, so I have nothing to worry about ... And hell, if my dog knows where we keep the food, you can bet your sweet golfing ass that a gator can figure this stuff out.  That gator waited for the guy to go try and get his ball, and then decided to eat him.  I mean, holy cow ... All that aside, I will be asking for one of these for Christmas ...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Farmers Under the Control of Cows

BRUSSELS — After months of complaints by European dairy farmers angry over low prices, protesters in Brussels on Monday poured milk onto the streets, hurled eggs and other missiles, and started fires that filled the air with black smoke.
Police helicopters hovered overhead as hundreds of tractors — and some cattle — blockaded the area outside the European Union’s headquarters while agriculture ministers met in an emergency meeting.
The gathering of ministers, convened after pressure from France, failed to produce any breakthroughs apart from a decision to set up a committee to report on the dairy industry in June.
Monday’s protest was the latest by farmers who dumped around three million liters of milk on fields in Belgium last month.
“There’s a very serious crisis in the milk sector,” said the Swedish agriculture minister, Eskil Erlandsson, who headed Monday’s discussion. “We didn’t take any decisions today, but we identified areas where the future policy needs to concentrate on.”
The protest organizers, the European Milk Board, said that more than 1,000 tractors and 5,000 people took part on behalf of “more than 80,000 dairy farmers”.
The group said milk prices are below 75 percent of production costs. Another European farm union organization, Copa-Cogeca, says that milk prices have plummeted 30 percent in a year and that dairy producers will lose up to 14 billion euros before the end of the year if nothing is done.
The European Commission, however, said that the average milk price increased slightly in the last two months and that the price of butter and skimmed milk powder had risen 7 to 9 percent in three months.
The commission said it expected to spend up to 600 million euros supporting butter and skimmed milk prices this year and proposed to continue this policy throughout the winter.
In recent years the European Union has sought to reform its subsidy system and aims to phase out milk quotas, which limit production, by 2015.
Some 20 of the 27 countries in the European Union have called for changes that would give producers the ability to organize more effectively so as to increase their clout in dealing with supermarket chains and dairy companies.
Other critics want more export subsidies and some would like to keep the quotas — though that has been ruled out by the European Commission.
Harald von Witzke, professor of international agricultural trade and development at Humboldt University in Berlin, said the protests were the symptom of the pain caused by a gradual reform of rigid controls on the dairy sector.
“The system has postponed the pain being felt, but now the pain is even greater,” he said adding that making concessions to the farmers “would make matters worse in the long run.”

Clearly, European Cows have found a way to control their 'masters'.

Farmers and Cows alike are quite pissed that their natural white gold is not worth nearly as much as it has been in the past, and are therefore rioting against the system.  I'd be pissed too if my most valuable asset (besides my ass on a bun) was no longer valuable, or deemed replaceable.  Seriously here, shouldn't the cows be rioting against Soybeans to prevent Soy Milk production, or better yet, against their own kind for pumping out this Lactose Free crap?  And Cheese?  Pshshhhhsssaaaa ... who needs cheese when you can just pay an arm and a leg, and a sirloin, and a rump roast for the real deal, valuable, white creamy goodness of milk.

In other news, I had Five Guys Hamburgers last night, which is freakin awesome.  Word is they have recently scored a great deal on European Beef ...

Monday, October 5, 2009

Reindeer (Insert random Rudolph, and/or Christmas Song joke here)

An angry reindeer knocked down its Cambridgeshire owner and trampled her after running loose near a road, an ambulance service spokeswoman said.
Kay Davies was reportedly leading the animal to a pen at Churchfield Farm, Whittlesey, when the incident happened.
Ms Davies owns the firm Wedding Horses, which supplies horses and reindeer for weddings and Christmas parties.
She was taken to hospital suffering head, chest and leg injuries. The reindeer was put to sleep by a vet.
'Urgent back-up'
A spokeswoman for the East of England Ambulance Service said: "We were called at 1142 BST on Tuesday.
"Reports were of a reindeer on the loose and, initially, that the woman had injuries to her head, chest, groin, legs and ribs, but these turned out to be superficial.
"The crew needed to call for urgent back-up, as the animal was very angry and wouldn't let them near the patient.
"But it was eventually captured and the woman treated at the scene.
"She was later conveyed to hospital."
A Cambridgeshire Police spokesman said: "The animal was running loose near to the road and was thought to belong to a nearby farm.
"Officers found the reindeer and called a vet, who put the animal to sleep." 

As I write this from my bunker, deep underground, I can't help but think; This is so freakin ridiculous, I don't even know if I can do it justice with my commentary.  A freakin reindeer turned on its owner, and people STILL deny the existence of the Animal Uprising 2012.

What the hell more can I say?  You people are doomed ...

(Insert another random Christmas Joke here)

Racoon Horror

Lakeland, Florida-- A Lakeland woman is recovering from serious injuries in the hospital after sheriff's investigators say she was "gang attacked" by five raccoons Saturday afternoon.
Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd says 74-year-old Gretchen Whitted was trying to shoo the animals away from her front door when they suddenly attacked.
"When she fell down, they enveloped her," said Sheriff Judd in a news conference called Sunday to warn the public of the aggressive raccoons.
"She's literally bitten and scratched from face and the chest all the way down through the legs."
Raccoons are known to be aggressive when going after food, but the sheriff called Saturday's attack very unusual.
"Not in all my years in Florida have I known of a gang attack by raccoons on an individual," Sheriff Judd said.
Christy Steinmetz lives next door to Whitted and ran across the street when she heard her neighbor's screams.
"I've never seen anything like it," Steinmetz said of the attack and her neighbors deep wounds. "They were deep lacerations. You could see flesh."
Sheriff Judd called a news conference Sunday to warn parents in the Lakeland neighborhood about the potential danger.
"They've attacked once. If someone frightens them, will they attack again?" Judd asked.
Polk County Animal Control officers fanned out, placing traps across the neighborhood, in hopes of finding the raccoons involved.
"Even if we capture a lot of raccoons [Sunday night], we can't be sure they are our suspect raccoons," Sheriff Judd said.
If caught, the animals will be killed to see whether they are rabid.

 And of course ... Rabies Theory.

Apparently, a gang of Racoons 'gang attacked' an old lady in Florida.  Lets be at least somewhat honest and grateful it wasn't a racoon gang bang, althought that is completely possible as well.

Here is some fair and simple advice for all you folks when faced with the threat of Racoon mauling; A - Don't bother the racoons, and B - Don't fall Down. 

The reality of this is, the woman did something to provoke the racoons in their eyes, and the racoonns fought back.  In all their years they haven't seen something like this?  Thats because all of their years have never led up to the Animal Uprising 2012.

What I love best about this is that they make a point in the story to state that even if they do catch racoons, they won't be sure if they were the racoons involved.  I was hoping they would take it at least a step further, and promise to play good cop/bad cop on the racoons.  I figure with a little coaxing, the racoons will break, and rat their buddies out.  I see it on 'Law and Order' all the time ... Maybe this town should hire Vincent D'Onofrio to come in and morally degrade the racoons until they confess ...

Or better yet, lets catch Racoons and massacre them (as suggested above), because that won't piss off the rest of the Racoon community or anything.

Idiots ...

Duh ...

And, but of course ... another not so surprising news story involving a bear ... this doesn't start (or end) well ...

A northeastern Pennsylvania woman, whose husband is an exotic pet dealer operating on an expired license, was mauled to death by a black bear over the weekend. Authorities say Kelly Ann Walz, 37, of Ross Township in Monroe County, was attacked by her 350 pound pet bear while cleaning its cage at about 5 p.m. Sunday. Walz had reportedly thrown a shovelful of dog food to one side of the cage to distract the bear while she cleaned the other side, but the animal turned on her and attacked. Walz's children and the neighbor's children saw the attack and summoned help, and the neighbor shot and killed the bear while it was atop Walz, said Tim Conway, an information and education supervisor with the Pennsylvania Game Commission. "Why this woman chose to go in the same area that the bear was in is beyond me. It's a fatal mistake," he said. "These things are not tame animals, they're wild animals." Owners of wild animals typically have a two-section cage, allowing them to isolate the animal behind a locked gate while they clean the other part, Conway said. Conway said Walz's husband, Michael, had a license to keep and sell exotic animals, but it expired in June of 2008. He called the lapse a technicality. Walz, who has been licensed since 1994, reported to authorities in 2007 that he kept a lion, cougar, jaguar, tiger, black bear, leopard and two servals on the property in Ross Township, a rural area in the Pocono Mountains, about 20 miles northeast of Allentown. The incident remains under investigation.

Why is this news again?  Bears and people simply do not mix.  Unless you moonlight as 'The Hulk', or some other superhero gifted with well above human average strength and healing abilities, there is zero reason to willingly be this close to a bear.

I love how 'Exotic Pet' dealer is interchangeable with 'Seller of animals that should either be left alone in the wild, or if you must have them, in a freakin zoo'.  This list of 'Exotic Pet' dealings reads something similar to my revolving top ten list of 'Animals I want to be nowhere near when the Animal Uprising 2012 occurrs ...'

(Also, that is a picture of a Serval not a bear, because I had no idea what a Serval was until I read this and looked it up.  Apparently, these are real popular with people to keep as pets, because they have some sort of death wish.)

You have been warned ...

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Deep 'Elephant Attack' Thoughts ...

Wonderful.  Another brilliant tale of how we as humans think we have a chance against the animals ... and away we go ... 

Jonathan Sykes, 24, from Cleckheaton, was in a group with a guide when the animal charged at them. 

Imagine that; an animal defending its territory ... If someone comes to my house, I don't charge, I shoot ... Good thing elephant hooves can't pump a 12 gauge ...

As the elephant caught him he said: "I just dropped and curled up into a ball hoping it would leave me alone". 

(English Accent) ... please sir, please mista eleefaunt ... please leave me alones here ...

During the attack the elephant pierced Mr Sykes's leg, causing him to lose five pints of blood. 

And of course, is anyone surprised that the English put the volume blood loss in drinking terms so its easy to understand ...

Mr Sykes and eight others had just arrived at their camp when their guide suggested they should go to look at an elephant which was nearby. 

Way to go 'guide' ... that guy deserves a bonus ...

They saw the animal which then disappeared into bushes. 


... but wait for it ...

"This noise started behind the bush and it just came running out, just charging out at me basically", Mr Sykes said. 

Basically?  Do you think this was random Mr. Sykes?

The group fled but the elephant followed Mr Sykes.
"It was really strange, lots of decisions were being made in my head really quickly", he said. 

What the hell were you deciding?  What makes you think you could decide anything?

"Well, I've decided not to get dead today."
Elephant:  "you have no say in that."
"But, I've decided it ..."
Elephant:  "And I should care about this because, why?"

How about you decide to stay locked up in your bedroom rather than venture out into the front lines of the Animal Uprising 2012.  I mean, really, is this even newsworthy?  A guy went sneaking up on an elephant, and he gets attacked by said Elephant.  Really?   Really?  This is a surprise to you?

"I decided to run off to the side and start zig zagging because with the elephant being larger it can't turn as quick as a human." 

... Brilliant Deduction ... really ... brilliant ...

Elephants can reach top speeds of about 25mph and Mr Sykes said that after running for around 20m (65ft) the animal caught up with him. 

... so brilliant, the big slow elephant still caught your ass ...

The attack left Mr Sykes needing stitches and walking with crutches although he is expected to make a full recovery. 
"I can't blame the elephant for what it's done", he said. "I just won't be going as close to them in the future."

Of course you can't blame the elephant for what its done, because God knows, Animals wouldn't mean to intentionally revolt and attack humans ... right?

... Idiots ...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Animal Uprising 2012 Has a Sense of Humor

Nothing to say here, but 'really?'

Jessica Simpson is not having a good year.

After dealing with criticism regarding her fluctuating weight and then splitting with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo in July, the singer is now dealing with the hardest news to date – her beloved dog Daisy is missing.

Simpson announced on Twitter Monday night that her furry best friend was recently snatched by a coyote right in front of her.

"My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes," tweeted Simpson. "HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!"

Fans and fellow dog owners expressed sympathy to the 29-year-old singer, who reportedly has been searching for Daisy in her Los Angeles neighborhood.

"We heard yelling and screaming coming from the direction of Jessica's house around 9pm," a neighbor told the Daily Mail. "I can only imagine that it was that moment that it happened because the next day we saw posters up around the neighborhood announcing that Jessica had lost her dog to a coyote. It's so sad."

Simpson’s brother-in-law, Fall Out Boy rocker Pete Wentz, sent his well wishes to the distraught singer on Twitter, writing, "keep your head up. Were thinking of you."

Simpson, who was just in Rio de Janeiro shooting her VH1 reality show "The Price of Beauty," was given Daisy as a gift from her ex-husband Nick Lachey several years ago.

The adorable caramel-colored Malti-poo (a Maltese and poodle mix) was constantly at her side, often being toted around in designer doggie-bags.

Wow ... 'It' Knows ...

Here's the TWITTER Post ...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Hippos Bring Down the Judgement

Don't break the law around Hippos ...

KINSHASA — A hippopotamus killed a member of Democratic Republic of Congo government forces at Virunga National Park while he was fishing illegally, a local environmental NGO said Saturday.

Bantu Lukamba of the IDPE non-governmental organisation told AFP that Private Sebagendi was killed Thursday when he was fishing along with five other people on Lake Edward in spite of a fishing ban.

"As he could not swim he was devoured by the hippo which had earlier overturned their boat," he said adding that the incident was the first of its kind in the park which covers an area of 790,000 hectares (1.95 million acres).

Usually, "they (the military) shoot at the animals," he said.

According to UNESCO the park which borders Uganda comprises an outstanding diversity of habitats, ranging from swamps and steppes to the snowfields of Rwenzori at an altitude of over 5,000 meters (16,400 feet), and from lava plains to savannahs on the slopes of volcanoes.

Mountain gorillas are found in the park, some 20,000 hippopotamuses live in the rivers and birds from Siberia spend the winter there, the United Nations cultural organisation said on its website.

IDPE said "at least 18 animals including seven elephants, four hippopotamuses and a lion were killed in the park between late August and early September".

Awesome ... Where will the hippos stop?

Were they pissed that they were breaking the law? Probably ...

Were they pissed that they were fishing and thereby endangering their food supply? Most Likely ...

Thus, whats in store for humanity? I mean, the next time I"m at McDonalds eating a Filet-O-Fish, is a hippo going to rise up and eat my face? Can you really answer no to that question? Of course you can't, because you know that the possibility is there ... sure, anything can happen, but if the Hippos are getting angry about us eating fish, then this just isn't going to stop.

The Reality of it is, Hippos hate poachers. Animals fight back, I promise you. Need Proof? Read this earlier post, and see all links ...

You've been warned ...

Bears Heart Lasagna ...

If we've told you once, we've told you a million times Aspen, Colorado ...

Before David and Mary Berley could take their first bites of dinner Thursday night, they found themselves running from a bear that had entered their home through the front door.

David, 69, encountered the bear in the entryway and was clawed in the face. He was transported via ambulance to Aspen Valley Hospital shortly after 8 p.m. He sustained a deep wound on his cheek, as well as from his ear to his chin. Several stitches were required and David remained in the hospital Friday night so doctors could monitor him for possible infection.

Mary said as she and David sat down for a lasagna dinner at a center island in their kitchen, the couples three black labs started ferociously barking.

“We didn't hear the bear come in but the dogs took off down the stairs,” Mary said. “They had [the bear] cornered up against the door.”

David got up, looked down the stairs and saw a large black bear in the entryway. In an attempt to save the dogs, he went near the bear and then was attacked.

“He had blood all over and a huge gouge where the bear swiped him,” Mary said.

David retreated up the stairs and the bear followed him. He attempted to put a chair in front of the stairs to block the bear but to no avail. David was able to open the kitchen window above the sink before locking himself in his office, located off the kitchen. Mary locked herself in the upstairs bedroom and called 911.

The bear walked through the kitchen, left the Berleys' dinner alone, and exited through the open window. The wood frame around the window was torn up but there was no other damage to the house, although the bear did urinate in the front entryway, Mary said.

She said the ordeal lasted about 10 minutes.

Pitkin County Sheriff deputies, Aspen police officers and Colorado Division of Wildlife officers responded to the scene.

A bear trap was set in the front of the home, located on Laurel Lane in the Meadowood subdivision. DOW officers are patrolling the area at night in hopes of catching the bear, which will be killed once caught. As of Friday afternoon, the bear had not returned to the scene, said DOW spokesman Randy Hampton.

Mary said she had seen a bear a few nights ago wandering the neighborhood and getting into loose garbage, most likely left by construction workers who are installing a new sewer line in the neighborhood.

The Berleys have lived in the neighborhood since the 1960s and have never encountered a break-in by a bear even though bruins have been spotted in area over the years.

Thursday's attack is the third bear vs. human incident this summer.

On Aug. 17, Maureen Hirsch was attacked in her home in the Castle Creek drainage near Power Plant Road. She sustained minor injuries to her chest and back after she came face to face with a bear in foyer near the kitchen shortly after 10 p.m. Police said the bear forcibly entered the home through locked French doors.

Two nights later, DOW officials shot and killed the 500-pound bear, which had returned to Hirsch's property.

Then on Aug. 31, the DOW euthanized a bear after it scratched a woman's shin while she slept on her deck in the Mountain Valley neighborhood on Aspen's east side. She jumped up, and the bear left the deck but remained in the yard until wildlife officers and Aspen police arrived. It then climbed a tree before officers tranquilized and removed it.

Once again, we see Bears and Aspen don't mix well.

This time, a bear sought this guy out, and despite the 'protection' of three dogs, still decided it was time to break in and go to town.

Could it be the bears don't like rich people? Perhaps they do not like the smell of hybrid Mercedes' driving in their mountain towns? Or, could it be the Animal Uprising 2012 ...

The truth of it is, the Bears are fighting back ... Nine bears, 9 Bears, have been killed in and around Aspen, so you'd think the bears would have learned their lesson already. Since they haven't, is it really that far outside of the realm of reality to lend a thought to the possibility that the bears know damn well what they're doing in going after humans, breaking into cars, homes, etc, etc? Need Proof? See this earlier AU2012 Post here ...

And Aspen ... quit pissing off the bears.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Because We WANT to Give the Animal Uprising 2012 all the Advantages we Can ...

A tiny box turtle surviving on painkillers and antibiotics after having his front legs eaten by a raccoon is getting a second chance — and a new pair of legs — thanks to a clever veterinarian in California.

When Lucky the turtle's legs were chewed to bits on July 31, his owner feared the mangled and bloody stumps would be too much for him to bear, the Press Democrat of Santa Rosa reported.

But the tenacious terrapin wasn't giving in, so owner Sally Pyne sought help from a local vet with experience in reptile care.

Veterinary surgeon Robert Jereb attached plastic sliders — the small discs usually stuck underneath chairs and table legs — to get Lucky back on his feet again, the paper reported.

Jereb stacked the discs two high and taped them to Lucky's stomach, restoring him to his usual height and allowing the turtle to propel himself with his hind legs, pushing from the back and sliding along in front.

Jereb said he wasn't sure how an animal got to the turtle, which normally would have boxed up for protection by withdrawing his legs and head into his shell, the Press Democrat reported. Jereb said Lucky may have been overweight or could have had a shell deformity that put him at risk.

Pyne said Lucky is adjusting well to the change, but told the Press Democrat the loggerhead's libido has waned, and he now leaves his companion Lovey alone after years of unwanted amorous advances.

"Now Lucky doesn't chase her around and try to make babies any more," she said.

So, if by 'Clever Veterinarian' you mean 'Weak Human Idiots', then ok, I can get on board with that ...

Do you have any idea what you're doing. First, its furniture sliders, next its Bionic Appendages which CAN and WILL be used against all of humanity in the Animal Uprising 2012.

And, yes of course ... we've seen/done this before, as Initially discussed here at Animal Uprising 2012 ...

Where does it stop people?

Look ... animals eat animals and people. People eat animals ... and sometimes people, although they generally go to jail for that, or live in a jungle somewhere and only show up in 70's exploitation flicks (re: Cannibal Holocaust).

POINT BEING that there is a natural progression to things, and if another animal gets its legs eaten off, its probably because they were tasty.

Look at this guy's eyes ... He can feel the power flowing from his new bionic plastic slider leg things ... and he is coming ... for all of us ...

You don't 'own' the animals man ... the animals own you.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Parasite Tongue

Fishermen near the Minquiers - islands under the jurisdiction of Jersey - found the isopod, a type of louse, inside a weaver fish.

Marine researcher Paul Chambers, from the Société Jersiaise, was one of the fishing party and identified the find.

He said he was surprised to find the isopod away from the Mediterranean sea.

Isopods are normally about 2cm (1in) long and live in fish, surviving on the animal's blood, in warm waters.

'Quite vicious'

Mr Chambers told BBC Jersey: "When we emptied the fish bag out there at the bottom was this incredibly ugly looking isopod.

"Really quite large, really quite hideous - if you turn it over its got dozens of these really sharp, nasty claws underneath and I thought 'that's a bit of a nasty beast'.

"I struggled for weeks to find an identification for this thing until, quite by chance I stumbled across something that looked similar in a Victorian journal.

"Apparently there's not too much ill effect to the fish itself except it's lost its tongue."

Experts at the University of Southampton confirmed that the creature was an isopod and that there had been several sightings of them in Cornwall in 1996.

Mr Chambers added: "It doesn't affect humans other than if you do actually come across a live one and try and pick it up - they are quite vicious, they will deliver a good nip."

Quite Vicious my ass ... These things are here to end all humanity.

Euuughhghgh ... I've seen these before ... all times involving Alien Bug-like creatures that live to destroy humanity.

Once Here ...

Lovely ...

And of course, it bares a striking resemblance to this ...

... which ended up rising up and shooting flaming acid from its mouth ...

I'd go ahead and say that we're about screwed, as alien bugs have found a way to take over our tongues ... well, fish tongues, but you read this, and YOU KNOW humans are not far behind ...