Deep 'Elephant Attack' Thoughts ...

A man from West Yorkshire who was gored by an elephant while holidaying in Kenya has described how he played dead to escape the ordeal.

Wonderful.  Another brilliant tale of how we as humans think we have a chance against the animals ... and away we go ... 

Jonathan Sykes, 24, from Cleckheaton, was in a group with a guide when the animal charged at them. 

Imagine that; an animal defending its territory ... If someone comes to my house, I don't charge, I shoot ... Good thing elephant hooves can't pump a 12 gauge ...

As the elephant caught him he said: "I just dropped and curled up into a ball hoping it would leave me alone". 

(English Accent) ... please sir, please mista eleefaunt ... please leave me alones here ...

During the attack the elephant pierced Mr Sykes's leg, causing him to lose five pints of blood. 

And of course, is anyone surprised that the English put the volume blood loss in drinking terms so its easy to understand ...

Mr Sykes and eight others had just arrived at their camp when their guide suggested they should go to look at an elephant which was nearby. 

Way to go 'guide' ... that guy deserves a bonus ...

They saw the animal which then disappeared into bushes. 

Magic!!!

... but wait for it ...

"This noise started behind the bush and it just came running out, just charging out at me basically", Mr Sykes said. 

Basically?  Do you think this was random Mr. Sykes?

The group fled but the elephant followed Mr Sykes.
"It was really strange, lots of decisions were being made in my head really quickly", he said. 

What the hell were you deciding?  What makes you think you could decide anything?

"Well, I've decided not to get dead today."
Elephant:  "you have no say in that."
"But, I've decided it ..."
Elephant:  "And I should care about this because, why?"

How about you decide to stay locked up in your bedroom rather than venture out into the front lines of the Animal Uprising 2012.  I mean, really, is this even newsworthy?  A guy went sneaking up on an elephant, and he gets attacked by said Elephant.  Really?   Really?  This is a surprise to you?

"I decided to run off to the side and start zig zagging because with the elephant being larger it can't turn as quick as a human." 

... Brilliant Deduction ... really ... brilliant ...

Elephants can reach top speeds of about 25mph and Mr Sykes said that after running for around 20m (65ft) the animal caught up with him. 

... so brilliant, the big slow elephant still caught your ass ...

The attack left Mr Sykes needing stitches and walking with crutches although he is expected to make a full recovery. 
"I can't blame the elephant for what it's done", he said. "I just won't be going as close to them in the future."

Of course you can't blame the elephant for what its done, because God knows, Animals wouldn't mean to intentionally revolt and attack humans ... right?


... Idiots ...

Monkey Business

BOSTON – Two movie-star monkeys and crew members of the Adam Sandler film "The Zookeeper" are among the 300 guests who were evacuated from a Boston hotel after carbon monoxide alarms went off.

Fire Department spokesman Steve MacDonald says a small boiler leak at the luxury Liberty hotel prompted elevated readings at around 9:30 a.m. Wednesday. He says the leak was fixed early afternoon and no one was hurt.

Liberty spokesman Jim Treadway says the hotel has also hosted the non-animal stars of "The Zookeeper," but none slept over Wednesday. He declined to drop names.

"The Zookeeper" made headlines earlier this month when a teenage boy fell into a lion pit at the Franklin Park Zoo in Boston that was part of the movie set. No animals were in the area, and the boy was not badly hurt.

Apparently, the monkeys decided it was their time to strike, and they chose to do so by manipulating Carbon Monoxide levels in the hotel. Fortunately for 300 lucky humans, the monkey plan was foiled.

"Curses" said the monkeys ...

The Animal Uprising 2012 Has a Sense of Humor

Nothing to say here, but 'really?'

Jessica Simpson is not having a good year.

After dealing with criticism regarding her fluctuating weight and then splitting with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo in July, the singer is now dealing with the hardest news to date – her beloved dog Daisy is missing.

Simpson announced on Twitter Monday night that her furry best friend was recently snatched by a coyote right in front of her.

"My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes," tweeted Simpson. "HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!"

Fans and fellow dog owners expressed sympathy to the 29-year-old singer, who reportedly has been searching for Daisy in her Los Angeles neighborhood.

"We heard yelling and screaming coming from the direction of Jessica's house around 9pm," a neighbor told the Daily Mail. "I can only imagine that it was that moment that it happened because the next day we saw posters up around the neighborhood announcing that Jessica had lost her dog to a coyote. It's so sad."

Simpson’s brother-in-law, Fall Out Boy rocker Pete Wentz, sent his well wishes to the distraught singer on Twitter, writing, "keep your head up. Were thinking of you."

Simpson, who was just in Rio de Janeiro shooting her VH1 reality show "The Price of Beauty," was given Daisy as a gift from her ex-husband Nick Lachey several years ago.

The adorable caramel-colored Malti-poo (a Maltese and poodle mix) was constantly at her side, often being toted around in designer doggie-bags.

Wow ... 'It' Knows ...


Here's the TWITTER Post ...

Hippos Bring Down the Judgement

Don't break the law around Hippos ...

KINSHASA — A hippopotamus killed a member of Democratic Republic of Congo government forces at Virunga National Park while he was fishing illegally, a local environmental NGO said Saturday.

Bantu Lukamba of the IDPE non-governmental organisation told AFP that Private Sebagendi was killed Thursday when he was fishing along with five other people on Lake Edward in spite of a fishing ban.

"As he could not swim he was devoured by the hippo which had earlier overturned their boat," he said adding that the incident was the first of its kind in the park which covers an area of 790,000 hectares (1.95 million acres).

Usually, "they (the military) shoot at the animals," he said.

According to UNESCO the park which borders Uganda comprises an outstanding diversity of habitats, ranging from swamps and steppes to the snowfields of Rwenzori at an altitude of over 5,000 meters (16,400 feet), and from lava plains to savannahs on the slopes of volcanoes.

Mountain gorillas are found in the park, some 20,000 hippopotamuses live in the rivers and birds from Siberia spend the winter there, the United Nations cultural organisation said on its website.

IDPE said "at least 18 animals including seven elephants, four hippopotamuses and a lion were killed in the park between late August and early September".

Awesome ... Where will the hippos stop?

Were they pissed that they were breaking the law? Probably ...

Were they pissed that they were fishing and thereby endangering their food supply? Most Likely ...

Thus, whats in store for humanity? I mean, the next time I"m at McDonalds eating a Filet-O-Fish, is a hippo going to rise up and eat my face? Can you really answer no to that question? Of course you can't, because you know that the possibility is there ... sure, anything can happen, but if the Hippos are getting angry about us eating fish, then this just isn't going to stop.

The Reality of it is, Hippos hate poachers. Animals fight back, I promise you. Need Proof? Read this earlier post, and see all links ...

You've been warned ...

Bears Heart Lasagna ...

If we've told you once, we've told you a million times Aspen, Colorado ...

Before David and Mary Berley could take their first bites of dinner Thursday night, they found themselves running from a bear that had entered their home through the front door.

David, 69, encountered the bear in the entryway and was clawed in the face. He was transported via ambulance to Aspen Valley Hospital shortly after 8 p.m. He sustained a deep wound on his cheek, as well as from his ear to his chin. Several stitches were required and David remained in the hospital Friday night so doctors could monitor him for possible infection.

Mary said as she and David sat down for a lasagna dinner at a center island in their kitchen, the couples three black labs started ferociously barking.

“We didn't hear the bear come in but the dogs took off down the stairs,” Mary said. “They had [the bear] cornered up against the door.”

David got up, looked down the stairs and saw a large black bear in the entryway. In an attempt to save the dogs, he went near the bear and then was attacked.

“He had blood all over and a huge gouge where the bear swiped him,” Mary said.

David retreated up the stairs and the bear followed him. He attempted to put a chair in front of the stairs to block the bear but to no avail. David was able to open the kitchen window above the sink before locking himself in his office, located off the kitchen. Mary locked herself in the upstairs bedroom and called 911.

The bear walked through the kitchen, left the Berleys' dinner alone, and exited through the open window. The wood frame around the window was torn up but there was no other damage to the house, although the bear did urinate in the front entryway, Mary said.

She said the ordeal lasted about 10 minutes.

Pitkin County Sheriff deputies, Aspen police officers and Colorado Division of Wildlife officers responded to the scene.

A bear trap was set in the front of the home, located on Laurel Lane in the Meadowood subdivision. DOW officers are patrolling the area at night in hopes of catching the bear, which will be killed once caught. As of Friday afternoon, the bear had not returned to the scene, said DOW spokesman Randy Hampton.

Mary said she had seen a bear a few nights ago wandering the neighborhood and getting into loose garbage, most likely left by construction workers who are installing a new sewer line in the neighborhood.

The Berleys have lived in the neighborhood since the 1960s and have never encountered a break-in by a bear even though bruins have been spotted in area over the years.

Thursday's attack is the third bear vs. human incident this summer.

On Aug. 17, Maureen Hirsch was attacked in her home in the Castle Creek drainage near Power Plant Road. She sustained minor injuries to her chest and back after she came face to face with a bear in foyer near the kitchen shortly after 10 p.m. Police said the bear forcibly entered the home through locked French doors.

Two nights later, DOW officials shot and killed the 500-pound bear, which had returned to Hirsch's property.

Then on Aug. 31, the DOW euthanized a bear after it scratched a woman's shin while she slept on her deck in the Mountain Valley neighborhood on Aspen's east side. She jumped up, and the bear left the deck but remained in the yard until wildlife officers and Aspen police arrived. It then climbed a tree before officers tranquilized and removed it.

Once again, we see Bears and Aspen don't mix well.

This time, a bear sought this guy out, and despite the 'protection' of three dogs, still decided it was time to break in and go to town.

Could it be the bears don't like rich people? Perhaps they do not like the smell of hybrid Mercedes' driving in their mountain towns? Or, could it be the Animal Uprising 2012 ...

The truth of it is, the Bears are fighting back ... Nine bears, 9 Bears, have been killed in and around Aspen, so you'd think the bears would have learned their lesson already. Since they haven't, is it really that far outside of the realm of reality to lend a thought to the possibility that the bears know damn well what they're doing in going after humans, breaking into cars, homes, etc, etc? Need Proof? See this earlier AU2012 Post here ...

And Aspen ... quit pissing off the bears.

Because We WANT to Give the Animal Uprising 2012 all the Advantages we Can ...

A tiny box turtle surviving on painkillers and antibiotics after having his front legs eaten by a raccoon is getting a second chance — and a new pair of legs — thanks to a clever veterinarian in California.

When Lucky the turtle's legs were chewed to bits on July 31, his owner feared the mangled and bloody stumps would be too much for him to bear, the Press Democrat of Santa Rosa reported.

But the tenacious terrapin wasn't giving in, so owner Sally Pyne sought help from a local vet with experience in reptile care.

Veterinary surgeon Robert Jereb attached plastic sliders — the small discs usually stuck underneath chairs and table legs — to get Lucky back on his feet again, the paper reported.

Jereb stacked the discs two high and taped them to Lucky's stomach, restoring him to his usual height and allowing the turtle to propel himself with his hind legs, pushing from the back and sliding along in front.

Jereb said he wasn't sure how an animal got to the turtle, which normally would have boxed up for protection by withdrawing his legs and head into his shell, the Press Democrat reported. Jereb said Lucky may have been overweight or could have had a shell deformity that put him at risk.

Pyne said Lucky is adjusting well to the change, but told the Press Democrat the loggerhead's libido has waned, and he now leaves his companion Lovey alone after years of unwanted amorous advances.

"Now Lucky doesn't chase her around and try to make babies any more," she said.

So, if by 'Clever Veterinarian' you mean 'Weak Human Idiots', then ok, I can get on board with that ...

Do you have any idea what you're doing. First, its furniture sliders, next its Bionic Appendages which CAN and WILL be used against all of humanity in the Animal Uprising 2012.

And, yes of course ... we've seen/done this before, as Initially discussed here at Animal Uprising 2012 ...

Where does it stop people?

Look ... animals eat animals and people. People eat animals ... and sometimes people, although they generally go to jail for that, or live in a jungle somewhere and only show up in 70's exploitation flicks (re: Cannibal Holocaust).

POINT BEING that there is a natural progression to things, and if another animal gets its legs eaten off, its probably because they were tasty.

Look at this guy's eyes ... He can feel the power flowing from his new bionic plastic slider leg things ... and he is coming ... for all of us ...

You don't 'own' the animals man ... the animals own you.

Parasite Tongue

A rare parasite which burrows into host fish before eating and replacing their tongues with itself has been found off the Jersey coast.

Fishermen near the Minquiers - islands under the jurisdiction of Jersey - found the isopod, a type of louse, inside a weaver fish.

Marine researcher Paul Chambers, from the Société Jersiaise, was one of the fishing party and identified the find.

He said he was surprised to find the isopod away from the Mediterranean sea.

Isopods are normally about 2cm (1in) long and live in fish, surviving on the animal's blood, in warm waters.

'Quite vicious'

Mr Chambers told BBC Jersey: "When we emptied the fish bag out there at the bottom was this incredibly ugly looking isopod.

"Really quite large, really quite hideous - if you turn it over its got dozens of these really sharp, nasty claws underneath and I thought 'that's a bit of a nasty beast'.

"I struggled for weeks to find an identification for this thing until, quite by chance I stumbled across something that looked similar in a Victorian journal.

"Apparently there's not too much ill effect to the fish itself except it's lost its tongue."

Experts at the University of Southampton confirmed that the creature was an isopod and that there had been several sightings of them in Cornwall in 1996.

Mr Chambers added: "It doesn't affect humans other than if you do actually come across a live one and try and pick it up - they are quite vicious, they will deliver a good nip."

Quite Vicious my ass ... These things are here to end all humanity.

Euuughhghgh ... I've seen these before ... all times involving Alien Bug-like creatures that live to destroy humanity.

Once Here ...

Lovely ...

And of course, it bares a striking resemblance to this ...

... which ended up rising up and shooting flaming acid from its mouth ...

I'd go ahead and say that we're about screwed, as alien bugs have found a way to take over our tongues ... well, fish tongues, but you read this, and YOU KNOW humans are not far behind ...

Jellyfish Weaponry

MADEIRA BEACH, Fla. — A 41-year-old man was arrested on Monday at at Madeira Beach after witnesses said he repeatedly pretended to drown, then allegedly began tossing jellyfish at nearby teenagers. According to a sheriff's office report, Keith Edward Marriott caused "concern for his safety" when he repeatedly submerged himself and floated back to the top of the water. He was also "loud and disruptive."

He then started throwing the sea creatures.

Marriott was arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon. According to the St. Petersburg Times, Marriott was carrying a pocketknife in his shorts.

Jail records indicate that Marriott was being held on $250 bond. A message left after-hours at the public defender's office was not immediately returned late Tuesday night.

Deadly Jelly Fish + Drunken Idiots = Animal Uprising WIN