Friday, April 24, 2009

Cubs Cat ...

As if the Cubs don't already have bad enough luck ...

Add another yarn to Wrigley Field lore. Let it be known henceforth as the “cat-tail-grabbing incident” at the Friendly Confines.

Animal lovers are head-over-tails about a security guard’s treatment of an errant feline during Tuesday night’s Cubs-Reds game. Speculation is flying about the cat’s origin and ability to gain a front-row seat at Wrigley Field.

Cubs spokesman Peter Chase has an idea of how the cat made its way onto the field.

“The leading theory is that it came into the stadium through right field — the Sheffield entrance — then made its way up to the bleachers and on the field,” he said.

After scurrying across the outfield in the fourth inning, the white, orange and black calico mix was finally captured by a Wrigley Field security guard who was stationed at the left-field bullpen. The security guard picked the cat up by the tail and handed it over to a towel-wielding security worker in the stands, inciting boos from the crowd.

The kitty left, but not before leaving considerable carnage in its wake. Multiple employees were bitten by the cat and needed treatment at Wrigley.

“We’re assuming they’re fine,” said Chase. “Once we get results back about how that cat is, that’ll give us a little bit more information.”

The cat was promptly transported to "a local veterinarian" where it will be examined to make sure it's disease-free, said Chase. The veterinarian asked the Cubs organization to maintain its privacy.

Grabbing a cat by its tail is "definitely not the best way to pick it up,” said Dr. Eileen Murphy of West Wrigley Animal Hospital (which she assures the Sun-Times is certainly not where the cat was taken). “You could dislocate a tail.”

Chase said the team does not currently have a protocol for dealing with streaking felines. But despite fans’ protests, Chase defends the guard’s actions.

“This one was certainly something you don’t come across every day,” said Chase. “The security guard did his best in a unique and trying situation.”

That hasn’t stopped fans from calling the organization today to inquire about the possibility of adoption and to chide the security guard for what many deem to be animal cruelty.

Are you freaking kidding me? Look, some of us here at AU2012 are die-hard Cub's Fans ... but we're also die-hard believers in the Animal Uprising.

In our expert opinion, there are only two explanations for this:

-This Cat hates the Cubs, and wanted to end them ...

-This Cat is a less than successful ninja hired by the Chicago White Sox to bring pain and suffering upon the Cubs, their fans, and the organization ...

Either way, another disturbing incident in the Animal Uprising that foretells our impending doom. And the worst thing is, the cat has the backing of the public!

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