Thursday, April 9, 2009

The Effects of Human Age, Group Composition, and Behavior on the Likelihood of Being Injured by Attacking Pumas

This could be the most awesomest badass research paper ever. It must be shared.

Of Course, Animal Uprising 2012 must also comment ...

April 8, 2009

A new UC Davis study of 110 years of mountain-lion attacks on people suggests the conventional wisdom of standing your ground may not always be the right course.

Really? No Shit? When I'm being attacked by an animal, I shouldn't just stand there?

"Even though we found evidence that pumas will indeed chase, and capture, people who run, we also found that people who stand still are possibly more endangered," said the study's lead author, psychology professor Richard Coss, an expert on the evolution of predator-prey relationships.

So, if I stand, I'm f*cked, but if I run, the Puma will chase me down and capture me? Thanks Professor ... I had no f*cking idea that during the Animal Uprising, Animals would be trying to end me, no matter what I do.

"Immobility may be interpreted by the mountain lion as a sign that you are vulnerable prey, either because you are unaware of its presence, or because you are disabled and not capable of escaping."

How about, Mountain Lions will want to eat my face just for being a human, and because its an Animal Uprising 2012 ...

Thus, running might be the smartest move, Coss concluded, if you are in a situation that allows you to run in a surefooted fashion with even strides -- for instance, on dry, flat ground rather than uneven, rocky terrain or deep snow.

Ok, its all clear now ... I'm f*cked if I stand there, and f*cked if I run, but maybe I'm not so f*cked if a mountain lion attacks me in the middle of a paved, even terrained area, say like, a freeway, but not necessarily a freeway in a blizzard, because then I'm just back to f*cked again ...

Most state and federal wildlife agencies advise against running. The California Department of Fish and Game says on its Web site, in part: "Do not run from a lion. Running may stimulate a mountain lion's instinct to chase. Instead, stand and face the animal."

So, my government says I should just stand there ... ok ... shall I carry a white flag, or better yet a dinner plate to serve my innards on just in case I happen upon a mountain lion?

Coss said the new study reviewed personal accounts, news reports and wildlife agency reports of attacks by pumas on 185 people in the U.S. and Canada from 1890 to 2000. His goal was to identify what kinds of activities people were doing during a mountain-lion attack and determine whether these activities predicted the severity of their injuries.

Does it really f*cking matter? Really? Because last I checked, Animal Uprisings don't pick and choose ... we all taste the same to a mountain lion ...

"An understanding of how large cats select humans as prey and the situations that promote the greatest likelihood of attack is an important component of wildlife management," he wrote.

You wasted a ton of time here UC Davis ... there is no understanding other than, its an Animal F*ckin Uprising 2012 ... I should teach the class ...

Coss' co-authors are E. Lee Fitzhugh, a University of California Cooperative Extension specialist; Sabine Schmid-Holmes, a UC Davis postdoctoral researcher; Marc Kenyon, a UC Davis undergraduate researcher; and Kathy Etling, a wildlife specialist and author of the 2004 book "Cougar Attacks: Encounters of the Worst Kind."

... And Guest Authors, ... what? We didn't get credited? Damn ...

The study, "The Effects of Human Age, Group Composition, and Behavior on the Likelihood of Being Injured by Attacking Pumas," is published in the current issue (volume 22, issue 1) of the quarterly journal Anthrozoos: A Multidisciplinary Journal of the Interactions of People & Animals.

... And Pimped on Animal Uprising 2012 ... You're welcome ... You're wrong (You don't mention Animal Uprising 2012 Once!), but you're still welcome ...

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