Polar Bears

The Press is having a field day with this one ...

A woman is lucky to be alive today after she jumped a fence Friday at the Berlin Zoo to enter the polar bears' enclosure during feeding time and was subsequently attacked by one of the bears, said one zoo expert.

After long, panicked seconds in the bears' moat with one of the massive animals biting at her backside, the woman was eventually pulled to safety and treated for severe injuries.

"What she's done here, she should thank the good Lord she's alive," Jack Hanna, director emeritus at the Columbus Zoo in Ohio, told "Good Morning America." "It's amazing to me."

A video of the incident shows the woman thrashing in the bears' moat and attempting to grab life preservers and ropes thrown by would-be rescuers while one of the bears repeatedly bites her rear end.

Of Course, everyone else is wrong, and only Animal Uprising 2012 knows the reality of it; Consider these things;

-It was feeding time

-The Woman was alone

-The Bears did not kill her instantly ... although its clear they could have

-The Woman reportedly swam to the bears ... during feeding time

Therefore, we can conclude some very, very disturbing hypothesis;

-Polar Bears have a special new weapon in the Animal Uprising against humanity; mind control

-This mind control has not been exercised more often because Humans do not often come into contact with Polar Bears in the wild

-The Polar Bears chose this woman out of the buffet of Humans there at the zoo; Look at her ... she's a good meal for a couple of bears, not just skin and bones ...

-The Polar Bears chose not to kill her instantly, which means they knew exactly what they were doing all along ...

-Whether this 'Mind Control' Weapon can be enabled across all bear species, or just in polar bears remains to be seen and understood

-We (Humans) are all screwed ...

If Polar Bears can make this lady jump and swim towards them at lunchtime, then I'll bet they can make you dance naked and upside down before they decide to bite off your ass ...