Python Patrol?

Thank you avid 2012 reader Tommy for sending in THIS story..

"MARATHON, Fla. (March 30) -- Juan Lopez reads meters with one eye and looks for snakes with the other. Lopez is a member of the "Python Patrol," a team of utility workers, wildlife officials, park rangers and police trying to keep Burmese pythons from gaining a foothold in the Florida Keys.

Officials say the pythons -- which can grow to 20 feet long and eat large animals whole -- are being ditched by pet owners in the Florida Everglades, threatening the region's endangered species and its ecosystem..."

So cautious (possibly fully aware) pet owners (thank you au2012.blogspot.com) are "ditching" their super friendly python snakes in the everglades in hopes to get rid of them.

Let me tell you Mr. Petowner... you don't just "get rid" of a freaking python... that thing will kill you so fast come 2012 you won't know what to do. It eats large animals breakfast when it isn't even hungry... imagine what will happen when the uprising begins.

"There's no immutable laws of snake catching. It's what works," Fobb said as he demonstrated catching a snake with hooks, bags, blankets and his hands.

"We're doing it in the Florida Keys because we have a lot to protect," Higgins said. "The Burmese pythons that are coming out of the Everglades are eating a lot of our endangered species and other creatures, and we want to make sure they don't breed here."

Where the snakes are breeding is just north of the Keys in Everglades National Park. An estimated 30,000 Burmese pythons live in the park."


UMMMMM .. Excuse me did that just say 30,000 pythons live in the Everglades National Park????

Three words to close this post: GOOD LUCK FLORIDA!!!!!!

Rabid Rabbits ...

Two women and their dogs were attacked by what they suspect was a rabid rabbit Friday morning at a home on Lilac Lane.

Christina Smith was out with her basset hound in her sister-in-law's front yard when a rabbit ran out from under a bush and repeatedly charged and snapped at them. After she managed to get away unharmed and run inside, the rabbit then crawled under a fence in the backyard and charged and bit the pit bull that belonged to the homeowner, Debra Drost.

Fear Not World, beacause an unlikely hero has come to the rescue in this situation ... Wait for it ...

The pit bull eventually killed the rabbit, but now Drost is concerned her dog might have contracted rabies. She also said she is troubled by the lack of concern animal control workers are showing about the situation.

But of course, no one takes the Animal Uprising 2012 seriously ...

"I called animal control and said this isn't normal. Rabbits don't attack people," she said. "They just told me to put the rabbit in a bag and leave it in the front yard. I feel like they are acting like this is no big deal, but it will be if a major outbreak of rabies happens."

Thankfully, Easter is coming ... that glorious time of year when children all over the world skip gleefully through meadows, searching for Easter Eggs full of candy, left by the rabid mutant Easter bunnies who lay in wait, looking for the perfect chance to eat our faces off ...

The Pet Situation IS Worse Than We Thought ...

Two Separate Dog Attacks today, on two continents, have yielded one injured, and one dead child ...

An 11-year-old boy is in hospital after being seriously injured in an attack by a dog.

He was taken to hospital after the attack by a pit bull-type terrier in the Alway area of Newport on Wednesday afternoon.

Gwent Police said the boy suffered "puncture and tear" injuries which were serious but not life threatening.

And another dog attack by ... you guessed it ... a pit bull ...

A Central Texas toddler died Thursday in what appears to be dog attack.

Luling police went to a home at 963 N. Hackberry St. just after noon when they received a call about a dog bite.

Officers found the body of a 2-year-old boy in the backyard. A female pit bull was also there


This just kind of pisses me off. Who leaves a 2 year old alone with a pit bull in a trailer? Who keeps a 2 year old with a pit bull? And don't give me any of this 'Pits are nice if you take care of them' crap ... Just Google Pit Bull News, and you'll see what I'm talking about ...

In other news, Michael Vick was released this week ... at least the AU2012 Blog will have more pit bull news to post in the coming months ...

The Pet Situation May Be Worse Than We Thought ...

A report released today by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that, on average, an estimated 86,629 Americans receive emergency room treatment each year for fall-related injuries associated with a pet dog or cat.

All told, the number represents a small fraction of the more than 8 million patients treated in emergency rooms in the United States each year. Still, such injuries represent a significant problem for some people, particularly the elderly.

"The analysis showed that the highest rates of injuries occurred among persons aged >75 years, and the most common diagnosis was fracture," the authors noted in the report, adding that some of these fractures could be in the hip. "Among older adults, hip fractures can result in serious health consequences, such as long-term functional impairments, nursing home admission, and increased mortality."

You read that right folks ... your pets are here to kill you, and they're starting with your grandparents. Anyone doubting my fears of our own little puppy trying to snuff us out are gravely mistaken ...

BobCat Follow Up ...

Video!





Just too awesome ... people try to take pictures, and get rabies ... idiots ... You have no idea what is coming with AU2012, do you?

Nice Pig Eats an Arm ...

This is such an odd story ...

CLOVIS, N.M. — A 26-year-old Curry County man had his arm nearly severed by a 900-pound boar that attacked him when he reached into the animal's pen to grab a water hose.

Curry County sheriff's deputies say Juan Cruz, a dairy worker, was attacked March 16 when he was feeding the boar and about 18 other pigs at his home in rural eastern New Mexico.

Cruz, speaking through an interpreter, says doctors in Lubbock, Texas, reattached his arm, but he is waiting to see if the operation was successful.

Cruz says the pig wasn't mean and the attack was unexpected.

A sheriff's report shows the family asked that the animal be shot and killed.

After a test for rabies came up negative, the family was given the meat at its request.

So, a pig (that is 900 lbs BTW), ate some guys arm off.

The guy said the pig was not mean, so they killed it anyway ... then they ate it.

Isn't this a bit unfair? This guy got his arm bit off, but he wasn't killed and fed to the pigs family ... Another example of the kind of 'retribution' that will force the animals to hand our asses to us in the AU2012 ...

So a bobcat walks into a bar...

The title to this post sounds like the intro to a joke (a bad joke at that)... but THIS IS NO JOKE!!!

COTTONWOOD, Ariz. – A bobcat has attacked three people in the central Arizona community of Cottonwood, including two men who were bitten by the animal after it wandered inside a bar.

Officers called to the Chapparal Bar arrived to find the bobcat in the parking lot, where they shot and killed it.

Tests were ordered to determine if the animal was rabid. It wasn't clear how seriously the victims had been wounded.

Cottonwood police say the animal attacked Monday when it scratched a woman who thought she had hit it with her car. Then police got a report of a bobcat acting aggressively toward a woman outside a Pizza Hut.

About 11 p.m. came the call from the bar that a bobcat was inside as patrons climbed atop bar stools to get away.

So basically ... you get off work ... go for a nice drink to ease your stress.. and BAM.. you are attacked by a bob cat.

Take this to heart people.... they will attack when you least expect it and when your defenses are down. So next time you are going for a nice leisurely drink with some friends after a hard day at the office make sure you are equipped with some form of defense that you can effectively utilize through your beer goggles.

AU2012 is right around the bar room corner.....

There is No Pit Bull, Only Zool ...

Well this sucks ...

EDGEWATER, Md. - An Anne Arundel County man's face was partially ripped off and his wife and son were also injured in an attack by an angry pit bull on Tuesday evening.

Police say it happened at a home on Walnut Drive in the Edgewater area near downtown Annapolis. They say James Powell had to have more than 100 stitches in his face after the attack. FOX 5 spoke with Powell after he left the hospital, and he was still in pain and very angry about what had happened. So was his wife, Dana.

So the Pit Bull attacked them at their house, on their son's birthday.

Look, once again, it goes to show that people need to be responsible for their animals, but there is just something completely wrong with a kid getting mauled by a pitbull on his birthday ... Thats just going to traumatize him from birthday parties for the rest of his life. Just think what happens when he's older, and people at work have no idea that getting him a dancer to jump out of the cake is just the wrong idea ...

Komodo Death

Wow ... Thanks to AU2012 Team member Allison, I will be having Godzilla nightmares for weeks ...

JAKARTA, Indonesia – Two Komodo dragons mauled a fruit-picker to death in eastern Indonesia, police and witnesses said Tuesday, the latest in a string of attacks on humans by the world's largest lizard species.

Police Sgt. Kosmas Jalang said 31-year-old Muhamad Anwar was attacked on Komodo, one of four islands where the giant reptile is found in the wild, minutes after he fell out of a sugar-apple tree on Monday.

He was bleeding badly from bites to his hands, body, legs and neck after two lizards, waiting below, attacked him, according to a neighbor, Theresia Tawa. He died at a clinic on the neighboring island of Flores soon after.

Really? Two of these gigantic dinosaur crocodile lizard killers were circling a tree, just waiting for this guy to fall out so they could tear him apart.

This after last month, when Komodos attacked an Indonesian Park Ranger.

Folks, 2007 was the first recorded attack by a Komodo dragon on a human ever ... and now, two this year, as we approach the Animal Uprising 2012.

French (Kangaroo) Connection

Thanks to a closet avid believer in the AU2012 (who will remain nameless) for letting us know about this one ...

TOULOUSE, France (AFP) - Vandals set loose 15 kangaroos from an Australian theme park in southern France, sparking a major search operation, with three marsupials still on the loose. "When we arrived on Saturday morning, five pens had been broken open, their padlocks were smashed and the perimeter fence was torn in several places," said Carole Masson, owner of the nature reserve in southwestern Carcassonne.

There are a couple of interesting points here. First, the story assumes 'Vandals', but never gives any indication of suspects in that sense. Thus, Kangaroos breaking out of their own pens is very much a possibility.

Secondly, the park keepers obviously don't know Kangaroos very well ...

"They are not aggressive or nervous animals by nature," she said. "They're probably just grazing quietly away somewhere."

... Stark Contrast to previous AU2012 Warnings:

"Kangaroos rarely harm humans, but when they do, it is usually because they feel cornered. They have been known to disembowel people with the claws of their powerful hind legs.""

Lastly, there's this ... The theme park, which houses Australian animals alongside exhibits on Aboriginal culture and gold-digging, made French headlines last October when a a pack of hunting dogs attacked and killed 44 kangaroos.

As we've stated all along, Dogs can be swayed, and will either be the savior of the human race when the Animal Uprising 2012 comes, or they will be the end of us. So, why on earth would dogs attack Kangaroos unless they were a threat?

Disembowlment ... No Thank you ...

Turkeys Terrorizing Truckstops

JACKSON, Mich.— Wild turkeys are turning into bullies in one Michigan town.

Tri-County International Trucks employee Dave Dodes told the Jackson Citizen Patriot that three of the birds scared a truck driver so much he stayed in his vehicle when he stopped at the truck service shop Friday.

He said a company worker had to create a diversion so the driver could escape, and the turkeys chased both men inside the building in an industrial area at the edge of Jackson, Mich.

Dodes says the birds had been seen near the building for a long time but only recently turned aggressive.

He says “they’re not afraid of traffic, and now they chase people around.”

Jackson is about 65 miles west of Detroit.

Just Days ago, we had the case of Turkey's attacking a motorcyclist, now they are after our truck drivers. What an alarming trend. AU2012 wants to know, where does it all end, and who will the turkeys target next?!?

Naked People and Poodles?

HART TOWNSHIP, Mich. — Police say a naked 14-year-old boy taking a walk with a large white poodle has assaulted a woman in Michigan.

Sheriff’s Lt. Craig Mast says the boy walked away from a behavioral treatment facility Monday. He was strolling unclothed in Hart Township with the dog when he encountered a 53-year-old woman in her yard.

Mast says, “The young naked man approached her with this poodle, and she immediately realized something peculiar.”

They spoke briefly. When the woman took out a cell phone to call for help, the boy pushed her and fled with the phone, which he later broke in half.

Deputies found the boy. He’s charged in juvenile court with strong-arm robbery and assault.

Its Obvious that the Poodle had dominance over the boy, and ordered him to attack the woman in the story. How this came about, however, is the mystery. This could signal a new weapon being deployed by the Animal Kingdom in the fight against humanity. Stay tuned to AU2012 for more updates.

This makes perfect sense; its Poodle retribution for years of cutting poodle hair the way that we humans apparently like to do.

Animals Mounting Their Trusted Steeds ...

Yet another indication that animals are not only working together to bring about our impending doom, but that they're now domesticating one another, and equipping each other for war.

Squirrel Monkeys in a zoo in Japan have learned to ride the Capybaras (Giant Rodents) in their enclosures.

Its easy to see how Monkey's riding Capybara's could easily overrun human society, especially when you factor in Deadly Monkey Weapons ...

Thanks to Al (team member here at AU2012), we almost completely overlooked the obvious ... perhaps the monkey's aren't as much of a concern as the size of the freakin rats in that cage ...

The Deadly Spider of Oklahoma

Grocery store workers found a spider amidst an imported shipment of bananas. This spider was initially identified as a Brazilian Wandering Spider, and reported as such.

The spider was turned over to University of Tulsa Animal Facilities Director Terry Childs who identified it as a Brazilian Wandering Spider and said this type of spider is the deadliest in the world. It kills more people then any other spider in the world.


However, not long after the National News caught wind of this, the Spider's toxicity and deadliness was quickly dismissed.

The spider found in a shipment of bananas at Whole Foods was taken Sunday to the University of Tulsa, where animal facilities manager Terry Childs identified it as a Brazilian wandering spider, considered one of the most lethal in the world.

But Barry Downer, the curator of aquariums and herpetology at the Tulsa Zoo, said video and photos he had seen of the spider led him to believe that it was a Huntsman spider, which is harmless to humans.

"There's pretty definitive evidence it has been misidentified," Downer said.

Childs said Wednesday night that he had destroyed the spider at the urging of a university administrator because of safety concerns.

Downer said the spider should have been preserved for study, but he was told that the body would not be made available.

This Downer guy is obviously under the mind control of a race of spiders who have dominance over his brain. Exposing how deadly spiders are making it across our borders would be a major blow to the AU2012, and every animal species has to do their part. Thus, getting a spider 'expert' from a zoo to contradict another expert makes perfect sense to keeping the spider plans under wraps, and the conspiracy in place.

The Conclusion? You bet your ass it was a deadly spider meant to kill you in 25 minutes or less with one bite. Next time you eat a banana, beef jerkey, or gummi bears, make sure you don't end up like this ...

Cat Weapons

This is awesome ...

Project Runway season 5 finalist Kenley Collins was arrested in Brooklyn Tuesday after allegedly attacking a male with a laptop.

But wait, it gets better ...

According to earlier reports from TMZ.com, the reality star allegedly attacked her sleeping ex-fiancé with her pet cat, water, several apples and the laptop. The Web site also reports that Collins is currently being held in jail.

That could be the awesomest assault story with an animal ever ... in the history of ever ...

Cats ... Lots of Cats ...

Head over to our friend Emily's blog, and play her cool 'Cat's of Istanbul' game ...

Of Course ... Some people may think its cute and all, but we know Istanbul is a staging point for the cat armies of the AU2012 ...

Its coming ...

Cow in the Road

Following on the heels of the Wild Turkey Incident, a Cow escaped in Croatia, causing several traffic accidents, and eluding authorities over the weekend.

A runaway cow in the Vodnjan area in Istria caused a traffic accident on Saturday evening.

The cow was being chased on the Vodnjan – Bale road by police when it ran into a moving car at about 9pm, but the accident did not have serious consequences, and the cow continued on its way, according to the "barkun" website.

Why are cows hard to catch? Its a cow ... we eat them, lots of them, every day for dinner. Is it that the cow is that much smarter than a group of Eastern Europeans? ... Don't answer that ...

Bee-House

The Animal Invasion has gained a foothold in Florida ... and they are coming after your children.

"I looked over and there was a double-basketball sized ball of bees on that window over there," said Mellons.

Mellons said the home in the the 100 block of Celestia Court has sat empty for 1 1/2 years. In just the past couple of days, the bees started to move in, finding cracks in the stucco and in the windows. He's concerned about safety.

"Yesterday my daughter was coming home from school, walking down the sidewalk over there and next thing you know she was surrounded by bees," said Mellons.

He says the bees chased his daughter and a friend as the girls ran into their homes. He's afraid the bees might be the aggressive, Africanized variety, the so-called "killer bees."

If thats not enough, here's whats better ... Its happening with all sorts of animals, all over Florida!

"They (the bees) found an entry point to get in and now they’re making a colony inside the wall.," said Dan Knier, owner of Arrest a Pest.

Knier says foreclosures like this are keeping him busy.

"Oh yeah, we're getting a lot of calls for rats and bees and raccoons," he said.

But as much as he'd like to help with these bees, he can't; not without permission from a property owner.

I'd suggest we stop worrying about foreclosures rather soon, and start worrying about how the hell we will keep the animals from taking over our bedrooms. Just consider this story a taste of things to come once the animals have had their way with the humans ...

Flying Wild Turkey

Police said a wild turkey is to blame for knocking a 23-year-old man off his motorcycle and breaking his collarbone. Maine State Trooper Corey Huckins said Jeffrey Russell of Hartford was riding with a friend on Route 117 in Buckfield on Sunday afternoon when a wild turkey flew straight into his chest, knocking him backward off his motorcycle. Huckins said the impact was like "hitting a bowling ball at 45 mph."


I know there's a joke to be made here about some wise ass throwing a bottle of wild turkey at this guy, but for the life of me, its just not happening with this blog post.

Still thought, its a great story ... I had no idea turkey's could fly, unless they were being transported to a grocery store so that I could eat them either for dinner or in cold cut fashion on a sandwich. Either way, its delicious.

Crazy Escaping Lions

A lion that was bred and raised in captivity was shot dead yesterday at a Zoo in ... wait for it ... Australia.

Visitors to Mogo Zoo, around 280 kms (174 miles) south of Sydney, were locked in safe houses for protection after a nine-year-old lioness named Jameila escaped. Staff were forced to shoot the wandering cat.

There is either something in the air in Australia, or it is the epicenter of the AU2012. I'm not saying captive lions are docile or anything, but where there's smoke, there's fire.

The keepers decided to shoot the lion, who had never escaped, and was apparently not an aggressive lion. This is sad for the lion, but read the article ... people are furious about this ... see how well your hate mail works when the rest of the animal kingdom has eaten your arms off, and is using your email server as a toilet.

Shark Wrestling

'Bob Collins' posted a comment on our last Shark entry.

Thanks Bob!

Here's our question ... is this guy you?

If so, you are our hero, and we'd like to know when the 'Shark Wrestling' Clinic and/or Summer Camp will be open so that we can sign up.

Sharks ... Again ... Seriously?

Here's a fun little story ...

Sharks were spotted following a 700 person swimming competition in Australia today, and patrols were scrambled to force the sharks away from the swimmers.



Funny thing with this is, they staged the race in an area called 'Shark Island' ... cmon people ... why is this news? why do people continue to be ignorant that if given the chance, animals will eat you ... quickly ...

I just don't think I'm ever going to go to Australia. Unless I have a death wish, and want to be consumed by something that is not human as soon as I step off the airplane, then there's just not a need to be there.

Indonesia Gets With the Freakin Program

Hell Yeah. Apparently Indonesia believes in the AU2012, and is actively taking steps.

Over the past few years, the Wildlife Conservation Society-Indonesia Program (WCS-IP) of Lampung has created a model to prevent conflict between tigers and humans.

"Basically, conflict between tigers and the community should be prevented as early as possible. The key is the early detection of the presence of a tiger, then to take action to secure livestock and set up continuous watchman patrols," Dwi Nugroho Adhiasto, the program's Wildlife Crime Unit coordinator, said."

This Guy could be the greatest person ever after me ... Preach on brotha Dwi! ...

"When people enter the Sumatran tiger's territory, the tiger is most likely to attack," he said.

We apply this train of thought to all animals ...

"Dwi said that there are many ways of overcoming conflict between tigers and people, including programs to raise community awareness (AU2012.BLOGSPOT.COM) of the reasons behind the problem (AU2012), providing education about the necessary measures to prevent such conflict (AU2012.BLOGSPOT.COM) and the importance of preserving wild animals that are natural food for tigers such as forest pigs, small antelopes, monkeys and deer."

Uhhhh ... preserving wild animals? Dunno if we're on board with that last part, but whatever ... this guy Dwi is totally fine in my book. If one day your favorite blog goes quiet and/or dark, its probably because I either went to work for Dwi, or I was eaten by a Tiger ... one of the two.

Stray Italian Dogs

A 24 Year old German Tourist was attacked earlier today in the southern part of Italy by a stray pack of dogs while walking along a beach.

But this attack is just 1 of 4 by this same pack of dogs, where two people have died, and two injured in the last three days.

From the Article:

In Sunday's attack, the boy had been cycling past the dogs when they surrounded him, pulled him off his bike and killed him. The attack came just hours after two separate incidents in which a nine-year-old boy and a 40-year-old man were bitten. Around 30 of the animals were caught Monday and police stepped up the hunt Tuesday following the latest attack, using helicopters to help spot strays. The pack, being referred to by Italian media as ''the killer dogs of Scicli'', is thought to number around 50 animals.

Apparently, these dogs not only dislike bikes, but they hate Germans too. My question is, who the hell lets 50 stray dogs run around a town without doing something about it in the first place? I mean, did they just miss it?

"Hey-ah, was that-ah a pack-ah of 50-ah stray dogs-ah?" (Italian Accent)
"I-ah don't-ah think-ah so-ah ... I think-ah it was-ah a-ah giant-ah meatball-ah."

Only in Italy ... the Mexico of Europe ...

Coyote Sniper

Blue Sky, Sidewalk, Nice Suburban House, Middle aged guy, Sniper Rifle ... you tell me what's wrong with this picture.

Yet another reason for our impending doom ... Clowns like this guy ...

Since a recent rash of coyote attacks on pets in Greenwood Village, an affluent suburb of Denver, Mr. Stewart, the owner and primary employee of Animal Damage Control Wildlife Management Services, has been on the hunt. When he comes across a coyote after being dispatched by the city, he closely observes its behavior until he has judged whether it is aggressive. Those he deems a threat to humans or pets he shoots with one of his .22-caliber guns.

If Ever we needed a real life example of 'Its Coming Right For Us', well ... you now have it ...

Just Back From the Weekend And ...

... Another Crocodile attack on a young female.

Human remains have been found by rescuers searching for an 11-year-old Australian girl feared to have been eaten by a crocodile, police said on Monday.

According to the article, Saltwater Crocs are responsible for an average of two death's per year in Australia ... it seems the chances of that average rising are going up ...

A monster crocodile of 5.5meters (roughly 18 ft) in length was spotted earlier today in the Northern Territory (Australia) harassing a fisherman.

"People should be aware saltwater crocs at this time of year can move around and end up anywhere."

If ever there was a time to be aware of your surroundings, that time is now. If a Croc hunter is telling me that a Giant Killer Saltwater Croc could end up anywhere, I'm taking that seriously. And by Serious, I mean you need to be watching out EVERYWHERE ... and EVERYWHERE means, in your house, under your bed, in your car, in your closet, under your desk, in your sock drawer, behind your door, under your rug, at your mom's house, behind the curtains, down in the basement, waiting in the washing machine, hanging out with your cousin, in the trunk of the El Camino, at your dentist, in your refrigerator ...

Monster Croc Attack

Sometimes, the Animal Uprising is just not a joke ...

A 10 Year Old Girl was killed by a 23 ft Crocodile while on her way to school over the weekend ...

Just to get an idea, the Croc in this picture (next to the idiot) is only about 15ft ...

Coconuts

Wow, how the hell did we miss this one ...

A Monkey killed its owner with a Coconut a couple of days ago in Thailand.

Wow ... Monkey's flossing with human hair, now they're just not even playing games anymore. What did I say people?

According to witnesses, this guy used the monkey to get coconuts so that he could sell them on the street. If the monkey did not follow orders, the guy would beat the monkey.
From the story:

The animal threw the missile from the top of a tree after becoming frustrated with his tiring labour, according to reports. The dead man's wife said that the monkey had "seemed lovable" when they bought him.

Apparently whoever wrote this interviewed the monkey, and monkey flat out told him he was frustrated with climbing up trees to get coconuts, and not getting squat out of the proceeds. I'm sure once he killed the guy with the coconut, he ate it, then flossed with human hair ...

Whale Harassment ...

Apparently, Whales control our courts ...

Two Fisherman have been charged in the last week for harassing whales in Massachusetts.

Can somebody tell me when Whales took charge of our judicial system? I thought plaintiffs have to at least show up in court, so how the hell is this going to go down? Will we see a Whale Lawyer drama on TV soon, or even better, CSI; Whale? If I look at naked young whale pics online at work, will I go to jail?

Yeah, thats right ... you read this post, you looked at the pic, and guess what ... I'm not going down alone ... thats an underage naked whale in the pic ... that, or whale midget porn ... Either way, you're a pervert.

Snake 'Expert' ...

Apparently, a Snake Expert was bitten in San Antonio, TX last night.

"Earl Turner, a herpetologist, was packing an Ethiopian Viper for shipping Wednesday evening when the snake bit him, KSAT 12 News reported."

Really? I'd sure as sh*t bite someone if they were trying to put me in a FedEx box off to God knows where.

This snake is so rare that how poisonous it is is really unknown, and the anti-venom they gave the guy who was bitten gave him an allergic reaction, so they have no idea whether it actually works. But, the locals in Ethiopia say this thing is pretty dangerous. That said, I think this was just a warning shot across the bow of humanity. "Look at me, I'm a dangerous snake, put me in a box, and I will bite your face ... you have been warned."

Casualties of the Dog Civil War

As AU2012 has always believed, Dogs can be swayed. They remain the one true animal that if taken care of well, will continue to be the stalwarts of the human race.

Two People were injured, and one Dog killed in a Dog on Dog Civil War Skirmish this morning.

A Sad incident, and we salute our fallen protector.

Disembowled

This picture is what my puppy looked like when she was a really little puppy ... now she's a bigger puppy that eats poo, and is plotting to kill us.

This morning I woke up with a 6 inch cut across my abdomen. I know it was my own girl puppy that tried to disembowel me in my sleep, and I am certain of this because when I asked her about it, she looked at me bewildered for a second, then went back to sleep (smugly), and did not even try to deny it.

Guilty as charged little girl ...

Oww ... Ouch ... Ow ow ow ow ow ...

There's absolutely nothing I can say about THIS ...

This quote about sums it up:

“Luckily the horse did not chew up or swallow his testicle, but spit it onto the pavement"

If its the horse response to yesterday's 5 horse accident in California, then all I can say is this is especially brutal, and just so very, very wrong ...

Yet another painful reminder that when the AU does indeed come, no one, and apparently nothing, will be spared.


And just in case you think this is a joke, here's a couple of articles to back it up. Click HERE, and HERE ...

Monkeys Say Ahhhh ...

TOKYO (AFP) – Thai monkeys have been observed showing their young how to floss -- proof primates teach offspring to use tools, a Japanese researcher said Wednesday.

"I was surprised because teaching techniques on using tools properly to a third party are said to be an activity carried out only by humans," Professor Nobuo Masataka of Kyoto University's Primate Research Institute told AFP.

His research team observed seven female long-tailed macaques and their offspring and monitored how often the mothers cleaned the spaces between their teeth with strands of human hair, in a colony of 250 animals near Bangkok.

The study found that the frequency of teeth-cleaning roughly doubled and became more elaborate when the infant monkeys were watching, suggesting that the females were deliberately teaching their young how to floss, he said.

"The study is still at the hypothesis stage," Masataka cautioned. "We would like to shift our focus to the baby monkeys to check whether the mothers' actions are effectively helping them learn how to clean their teeth." ... so they can eat our faces ...

Ok, so I added that last little bit, but seriously here. Why aren't we asking the following questions:

-How did the monkey's get human hair to floss with in the first place ...

and

-How if the monkey mom's can teach their young to floss, they can damn well teach their young how to pop caps in yo ass and take your hair ...

Hey Dr. NobuaMasagonnatakeoneintheassfromamonkey ... how about you Hypothesize how to stop the monkey's from teaching one another how to rise up and dominate the humans. Do ya think they'll forget the dinner in 'Temple of Doom' when the day of reckoning comes? I bet they just love Japanese ...

Horses in the Road

A guy driving a Mitsubishi plowed into a herd of horses on the road in California today, killing five of the horses.

Interesting thing is, a police officer at the scene doing an interview says that despite the fact that this is a very rural area, there are tons of domesticated animals roaming about the countryside, and that it was dark, this kind of 'accident' is not common ... at all.

Our guess? Definitely not an accident ... Horses HATE Mitsubishi's.

Land Hippo ...

Namibia seems to be yet another epicenter of the already ongoing Human vs Animal series of skirmishes.

A Newspaper in Namibia published a report on the 'Ongoing Human Wildlife Conflict' today with the total number of casualties on both sides.

According to the article, in 2008, there were 8 total human casualties from animal conflicts. In 2009, there have already been 3 crocodile related deaths, and 2 Hippo related deaths. Here's the most recent casualty:

The latest victim is a 50-year-old man of Sauziwo village in the Caprivi Region, who was attacked by a hippo in a courtyard last week.

Deputy Director: Parks and Wildlife Management in the Ministry of Environment and Tourism, Colgar Sikopo, said on Monday the hippo found itself in the middle of the village and when the villagers heard a noise, one man went out to check only to discover it was a hippo. The hippo chased the man into a courtyard and attacked him. The man suffered a broken back and died in the attack.

Wow. So a Hippo, which usually spends its time in water or mud, accidentally 'wandered' into a village, then killed somebody ... And of course, it was all an accident.

From Wiki:

"Hippos are very aggressive towards humans and are often considered one of the most dangerous animals in Africa.^[42][43] It is claimed that they kill more people than any other animal except mosquitos"

Apparently, its Hippo Human Hunting Season ...

Man, What the Hell ...

I'm sure that if you're reading this blog, you have a vast awareness and/or paranoia of the impending Animal Uprising. That assumed, we can therefore conclude that you have seen the rash of Dog Attacks on Human Children in the last few weeks.

If Not, here's what I'm talking about:

Wednesday March 11 ... Tampa, FL

Weekend - Greenville, SC

Martinsville, VA - Thursday, March 5

Roanoke, VA - March 9

Pensacola, FL - 10 March


So, now's a good time to make a couple of points:

-AU2012 never wants to condone or poke fun at attacks on kids, especially tragic ones that end up in deaths like last week in Arizona.

-That being said, AU2012 DOES condone people taking care of their animals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We've said it here several times ... we have two dogs, one of whom will try to kill us the first chance she gets, yet we still manage to keep them under control!

And why in the hell do people want to raise any dogs without any care, affection, and/or to do bad stuff, like fight other dogs or bite people's faces. I mean really ... its great defense in theory for the Animal Uprsing, but if you can't control your 'pet', do you really think you have a chance to survive anyway?

AU2012 has a very simple solution to all of this ... Click HERE, and then Click HERE ... And for good measure, you can click HERE, and then HERE ...

And for the love of Humanity, if you can't take care of your 'pet' (who could be your savior ... remember, dogs can be swayed!!!), then find someone who can help you, or who can do it for you HERE and/or HERE ...

READ: Don't be an idiot ... get your dog spayed or neutered ... keep them on a leash ... and most importantly, take care of them and respect life !!!

Bears in Oregon

Do you want to know why the animals will crush us? Ask this lady ...

A 23 Year Old Woman was attacked by bear while she was trying to feed it.

There's nothing redeeming about this story. This person, an employee of a Wildlife Safari company, is stupid.

"Douglas County sheriff's deputies said Kadi Singleton, a carnivore keeper at the park, was in the bear pen Sunday afternoon when an adult female moved toward her. The Roseburg woman hit the bear with a cattle prod, which angered the animal. The bear bit and clawed her right leg and left hand. She used pepper spray to escape."

People who are stupid really drive me nuts. Here's how this went down;

-Man Catches Bear
-Man puts bear in cage in a Wildlife Park
-Bear is pissed to be in cage
-Man keeps bear in cage so it doesn't eat the faces of people who pay to see bear
-Woman goes into cage meant to keep people from being hurt by bear
-Woman tries to feed bear who likes to eat people's faces
-Woman cattle prods bear
-Bear gets pissed
-Woman pepper sprays bear
-Bear gets super pissed

Really? Did you not really think going into a cage meant to keep people away from bears was not a grand idea? Really? At some point in time, do you not think anybody or anything would not like to be beaten with a cattle prod? Really? And, did you not believe that a Bear ten times your size with giant claws a teeth might be able to turn you into spam? Really?

Idiots ... I'm not going down to the AU2012 because of these idiots ... I will continue to appease my dogs so that hopefully, they will take pity on me when the day of reckoning comes.

Chimps and Their Preparations

A Chimpanzee in Sweden really freaked a bunch of people out, when it calmly stashed a bunch of rocks and concrete, and started hurling it at zoo visitors.

From the article:
"A canny chimpanzee who calmly collected a stash of rocks and then hurled them at zoo visitors in fits of rage has confirmed that apes can plan ahead just like humans, a Swedish study said Monday. Santino the chimpanzee's anti-social behavior stunned both visitors and keepers at the Furuvik Zoo but fascinated researchers because it was so carefully prepared.

According to a report in the journal Current Biology, the 31-year-old alpha male started building his weapons cache in the morning before the zoo opened, collecting rocks and knocking out disks from concrete boulders inside his enclosure. He waited until around midday before he unleashed a "hailstorm" of rocks against visitors, the study said."

Well this is great. Chimps are basically small apes with SuperHuman strength. Their big drawback is that they do eat and throw their own poo. That aside, chimps could dominate us if they chose to. Another gem from the article:

"Seemingly at ease with his position as leader of the group, Santino didn't attack the other chimpanzees. The attacks were only directed at humans viewing the apes across the moat surrounding the island compound where they were held."

"It could be that he is a genius, only more research will tell. On the other hand our research showed the same in orangutans and bonobos so he is not alone," Call said."

Wow ... bonobos, for all you people out there, are the second species of Chimpanzees who not only make their own tools for getting ants out of the ground for snacks, but also already walk upright on two legs on a pretty regular basis.

What all this proves is that once again, with a bit of planning on the part of the animals (which AU2012 already knows they can do), we're all sorts of f*cked ...

Kids and Elephants Don't Mix

Major Media outlets reported over the weekend that a 'Spooked' Elephant knocked over a Scaffolding over the weekend, injuring some kids in Indiana ...

"The elephant was giving rides shortly before 10 a.m. when it became spooked and knocked over a mobile stairway. At least 15 children between the ages of 8 and 12, who were standing on, under and around the stairway, were treated at the scene, according to WRTV-TV. One adult suffered a minor arm injury, the Indianapolis Fire Department reported. The incident took place inside the Pepsi Coliseum where the Murat Shrine Circus is being held."


READ: An Elephant got sick of some whiny brats on its back, and decided to tell them to shut the f*ck up in its own way ...

Kangaroo Invasion

Wow, what a weekend ... Yet another example of the AU's epicenter originating in Australia ...

A home was invaded by a Kangaroo on Sunday morning.
From the article:

"Ettlin, a chef originally from the Swiss city of Stans, wrestled the thrashing and bleeding 90 pound marsupial out the front door. "I had just my Bonds undies on. I felt vulnerable," he said, referring to a popular Australian underwear brand. The kangaroo, which Ettlin said was around his height, 5 foot 9 inches, left a trail of blood through the house and claw gouges in the wooden frame of his bed. Ettlin, who was left wearing just his shredded underpants and with scratch marks on his leg and buttocks, described himself as "lucky." The kangaroo vanished into a nearby forest from where it likely came. The family reported the intrusion to police and to wildlife authorities."

I figure, if you're looking for trouble, you're gonna find it, and insulting this Kangaroo's mother, and/or its face, is a great way to find trouble. Here's a couple of gems from the article:

"My initial thought when I was half awake was: it's a lunatic ninja coming through the window," the 42-year-old told The Associated Press on Monday. "It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in."

But here's the stranger thing ... what this Kangaroo had to do to get in the house:

"The animal hopped a fence to reach the family's backyard. The family suspects it felt trapped and tried to escape the yard through the bedroom window which is about 5 feet above the ground. "

And Given what Kangaroo's are capable of:

"Kangaroos rarely harm humans, but when they do, it is usually because they feel cornered. They have been known to disembowel people with the claws of their powerful hind legs."

Thus, the Kangaroo, who rarely harms humans, decide to target this family, bounding over several obstacles in the way, namely a fence, and a five foot high closed window. These people must have really done something to piss off the kangaroo ... really, what else could it be ...

"Although it had been a dangerous and harrowing experience, Ettlin's wife could see a funny side to the family's unusual predicament."

Thats right Mrs. Ettlin ... of course its funny ... either its funny, or the Animals really will have their reckoning, and that couldn't possibly be the case Mrs. Ettlin ... could it?

Stranded Elk?

We think not ...

A Small Herd of Elk and a few Deer spent nearly a week in occupied territory on I-70 over the past week. A major artery of America's Interstate System, I-70 had to be shut down for seven miles in order to get the Elk and Deer off.

Its clear that the Elk and Deer had an agenda, and human's underestimated their ability to put a choke hold on commerce here in the US. If demonstrated on a grander scale, we'd be screwed quite frankly. Once the Elk and Deer had made whatever point they had made, and struck a deal with the Human's to give up their plot of invaded land for whatever concessions they agreed to, the Elk and Deer Moved on.

Yet another example of different types of animals working together AGAINST Humanity ...

The Animal Fortress of Chitwan

AU2012 is beginning to connect the dots for humanity.

'Royal Chitwan Park' in Nepal looks to be a major stronghold for the Animal Uprising masterminds.

From the site:
"At the foot of the Himalayas, Chitwan is one of the few remaining undisturbed vestiges of the 'Terai' region, which formerly extended over the foothills of India and Nepal. It has a particularly rich flora and fauna. One of the last populations of single-horned Asiatic rhinoceros lives in the park, which is also one of the last refuges of the Bengal tiger."

READ: Royal Chitwan Park is a super secret hideout for two major upcoming players in the AU. Step foot in the evil fort, and Bengal Tigers and Aisiatic RhinoMonsters will end you ... seriously ...

Two people were killed on Feb 27, in (again) separate attacks in Royal Chitwan Animal Fortress. One was trampled by a Rhino, while another was mauled and eaten by a Tiger.

But wait ... it continues ...

Two people were killed on Feb 12, in Chitwan, from two separate Rhino attacks ...

So, why? Why are people getting killed in Chitwan? ... Because its an uprising folks ... the animals are fighting back ...

The animals will have their reckoning ...

Elephants & Tigers in Tandem

Further Evidence of AU Teamwork ...

JAKARTA, INDONESIA: An elephant stampede and a tiger attack on Indonesia's Sumatra island killed a villager and an illegal logger Wednesday morning, officials said.

In a separate attack in neighboring Jambi province, a tiger mauled an illegal logger to death and dragged away his body, said Nurhasman, a conservationist. His identity was still unknown.

Two separate attacks by two separate animal species, on the same day, in the same geographic region. Really? This is as obvious as why you're reading this ... either you think we're totally the awesomest blog in the history of the face of the planet, or you're really bored. Either way, it won't be long before the dynamic duo of Tigers and Elephants comes stampeding down your door. Don't be the last kid on your block to know!