Thursday, March 5, 2009

Your Dog is Evolving

An English Bull Mastiff left to die with three gunshots to the head and neck has recovered in full, his veterinary clinic says.

Somebody out there decided to put a bullet into the back of this dog's neck, and two more into its head ... and it survived.

Not only should this dog be very, very bitter towards humanity right now, it clearly demonstrates how the Dog population of the planet earth has evolved into a super-cannine species, able to withstand speeding bullets, and who no doubt have a 'Mutant' takeover agenda, something similar to the X-men of comic book lore.

Dog owners ... watch your dogs, and do everything you can now to schmooze them, and get on their good side. Who knows how many of the millions of household dogs are already mutant superanimals who will be unstoppable come the uprising. "But Wait AU2012 ... I thought that the Animal Uprising spells our impending doom! Why should we be nice to dogs?!?"

This is a good opportunity for AU2012 to clarify a position on canines. The most important thing to remember is that Dogs can be swayed ... or at least we really, really hope they can.

They are the one species of animals on this planet who is 'on the fence' about the Uprising. Some Dogs will be here to protect, and some will be here to conquer. Case in point, your AU2012 team cares for two dogs, beagles to be exact. We pander to both at every opportunity, spoil, feed, and play with them all we can. Despite our efforts, AU2012 is convinced that the younger of the two has been assigned to our home simply to bring about our downfall, as evidenced by her incessant chewing of our shoes (she wants us to be barefoot when the Uprising comes), and pooping at the top of the steps (she hopes that we slide on her 'gifts' and go tumbling down the stairs). Our only hope, therefore, is that the older of the two remains loyal, and protects us from the younger once the Uprising actually begins.

Yet still, the news, and clear exposure of the race of mutant dogs is worrisome to AU2012, as it should be to the rest of humanity.

1 comment:

  1. You know Deuce is totally going to turn on me


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